We're all overgrown children, really

Isn't it weird how when we're kids adults seem like some sort of different species? It's like we seem to think that one day, on our 20th birthday or something, we wake up and we're responsible, old, and know everything - what we're doing, where we're going, how life all works.

Well, that was a complete myth, wasn't it? None of us really have any clue, there's no magic spell that suddenly makes us know everything we need to know. We're all just muddling through with minimal idea of what we're doing, right?

We're all children, just older children. And since we're all the same, there's nothing wrong with that.

Self expression

You know what makes me happy? Self expression. I love expressing who I am, and expressing who I am is an important part of who I am, if that makes sense! I can't imagine being any way other than myself, and I love to feel so completely like myself the way I do when I dress or make myself up to show my true self.

For me, it's band t-shirts, black nail polish, and if I'm going out in the evening and/or don't mind looking like a panda the next day when I realise I don't have make up remover to hand, it's eyeliner/mascara as well. And baggy jeans, and my Slipknot wristband, and most recently, dip-dyed dark red hair. Which is what really brought this blog post on - I had dip dyed ginger hair before which I loved, but when it started to fade I decided to change it up a bit and the result suits my image so much, I'm really happy with it.

Isn't it great when you feel so much like yourself and confident about it as well?

Finding meaning in all religions

There's a church a few streets away from my house that I drive by every day on the way to work and back. Sometimes I notice that the church has a banner hung up at the front of it, with some sort of slogan or message. Today it says "The first duty of love is to listen". This was apparently said  by Paul Tillich, who according to Wikipedia, was "a German American Christian existentialist philosopher and theologian who is widely regarded as one of the most influential theologians of the twentieth century."

A couple of months ago I saw another sign at the same church, and having a lot on my mind, the quote really resonated with me and seemed to be where I needed it to be at just the right time. Unfortunately I can't remember what the quote was, which is a bit annoying! It was something to do with not despairing or losing hope, and I think God was in there somewhere. How annoying that something that was so poignant has completely slipped from my memory. It's true what Maya Angelou said though - you don't always remember the words, but you remember the feelings they gave you.

I digress. My point is that this was a sign outside a Methodist church, and I'm no Christian. I'm a Buddhist. But it made me think - I believe that all religions share much of the same fundamental values, regardless of how they are taught, the rituals and the people who practice them. I believe there is something to be taken away from all religions - that if you look closely enough at each one, you can find something, even if it's just something small, that is valuable and that will resonate with you. Have a go.

(Out of interest, I came across this webpage which has some very good quotes about despair - none of which is the one I'm thinking of. Still very interesting, though.)

Music mash up

I came up with the idea last night while thinking about my upcoming consultant's appointment, to put the lyrics of several songs together to make one song or poem - sort of like a medley, but a sensible medley where the lyrics put together make perfect sense and have the same theme and feeling. Here's one I was thinking of; if I could sing I would sing it and put it on YouTube, but written format will have to do instead. See if you can see which songs I used, and I'll tell you underneath:

If you close your eyes,
Does it almost feel like
Nothing changed at all?
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
And if you close your eyes,
Does it almost feel like
You've been here before?
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues drawn
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?
'cause pretending everything is alright when it ain’t, really isn’t working.

For this I used Shake It Out by Florence & The Machine, Pompeii by Bastille, and Read All About It by Professor Green. If I were to sing it, it would all sound the same - some sort of slow melody that sounds a bit like all of the songs so that it sounds similar to all of them but all the lines also sound like they belong to the same song.

The Happiness Project

While I was on holiday I read a book called The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. The author dedicated each month of a whole year to improving something specific about her life in order to make herself happier and more appreciative of her life. It's a really interesting book, and she has a blog and a website as well. The website has tools and information for anyone who wants to try anything similar, and it's a pretty inspiring and interesting book so it's not surprising that after reading it people want to give it a go themselves! On The Happiness Project website, there's ideas for goals and resolutions and changes you can aim for. I might even try doing my own happiness project, and if I do, I'll keep this blog updated with it!

Returning from holiday

I'm back from holiday! We had a very nice time in Porto Santo doing not very much at all. It is quite nice to be home, though - I think whether you want to go somewhere new and unfamiliar or if you want to stay at home and appreciate the familiar, you should go away for a few days, because a vacation gives you something new to see and then you appreciate home and the familiar more when you get back. Win-win!

Though when I did come back I came home to a letter offering me an appointment with a consultant in London, so... not a brilliant welcome. I'm trying not to think about it, but it's things like that that make peace of mind seem more unattainable.

The wonders of travelling!

The blog will take a short haitus as I go off on holiday for a week!

I'm off to (hopefully) sunny Porto Santo, which is a really small island just north of Madeira in Portugal. It's just 16 square miles with 9km of beach, and it's apparently really peaceful and untouched. We've never been there before, so we're hoping it's going to be as nice as it looks in the pictures!

Stay tuned for a few pics when I get back and normal blogging resumes. In the meantime if you have any thoughts on any of my previous posts, please do comment as it's nice to know that people are reading! See you soon!

Increase your happy to unhappy ratio

Try this:
For every negative thing you think, say or do, you have to think, say or do two positive things.

Soon you'll have no time for negative thoughts, words or actions because you'll be too busy trying to make up for them by cramming in loads of positive stuff!

Being a blank slate - find new experiences!

The other day I saw a man riding down my street on a horse. Which is pretty unusual. A nearby dog being walked with its owner also seemed to think it was pretty unusual, as he/she was barking and scampering about. As we walked by, the dog's owner said "she's never seen a horse before!"

How perplexed/excited/interested/amazed must that dog have been, to be seeing a different animal for the first time? It must be the same as what it's like for babies learning new things and meeting different stuff - being a completely blank slate!

Wouldn't it be great if we could all be like that, even as adults? To find something every so often that we've never seen before, done before or been to before? How exciting life could be if we only looked a little harder for those new and exciting experiences!

Timewarp: Where my "journey" began

For the final instalment of my Timewarp series, the first post I wrote about Buddhism, on 23rd September 2008. A couple of "aww" moments in there for me at the beginning and end, there.

First Post

Have you ever read a book, and while reading it, thought, “this book is going to change my life”?
I’m reading The Dharma of Star Wars. It’s all about how Buddhism can be applied to Star Wars, the similarities between Buddhism and Jedi, and it’s really interesting. It has explained some theories to me in a better way than other Buddhism books have, and I understand it all so much more now. It talks about the theory of emptiness, how if you take away every external entity which makes you you, like physical things such as water, oxygen, your parents even having sex in the first place, then things that shaped your personality such as people around you, your life experiences, places you’ve been – if you take all that away, there is nothing left. It is impossible for anyone to exist without other things existing – nobody exists independently. Without other things, we are empty. Also, about suffering, and how it’s the way in which we perceive things to be bad which makes us suffer. For example, constantly chasing after things we want, like clothes, convinced that if we own these things we will be beautiful and that these clothes are the key to our happiness. Or, looking for a new job, which is fine, but telling ourselves that we will not be happy unless we find a new job, and when we do find a new job, everything will be fine. And about how everything is impermanent.

It is so interesting, and…I love it. It makes me think. When I was in Catholic school, we were never taught to question anything. Buddhism tells us to question everything, not just take it as it is because that’s what Buddha said. Also, it strikes me as strange when people do or don’t do things because that’s what their religion tells them to do or not do. Surely we should be not doing things because we know that they are wrong, and that we find it morally wrong and therefore do not want to do them, rather than simply not doing it because our religion tells us not to, and we are blindly following it.

Some things in Buddhism are hard to get my head around but it’s great in that way, having to think about things and question them. Like reincarnation, I’m not sure about that yet, but if I was to believe in it, it would make the world and life seem so much less scary. I already know that everything is impermanent, now if I could just believe that there is definitely something after this life, and that too is impermanent, and there is something after that too, then there would be nothing to fear. Maybe if I think more, and read more, and learn more, I will feel more strongly about that concept.

it’s amazing how much this book has helped me, in comparison to other books I have read. I have only read about three books, but this one helps me understand things more by applying them to situations in the Star Wars movies. Until now, I hadn’t really actively tried to put these ideas into practice, but now I do. I indentify when I’m not being mindful and attempt to do so, though it is a difficult thing to remember to do after not doing it for twenty years. I think about my negative feelings about things, and how they are negative because I interpret them in that way, and my attachments. And so, I decided to make a blog so that I can jot down some things about this journey I feel I am beginning. Wow, how cheesy did that sound? Very overdone and cliché, however appropriate.

Enjoy.

Timewarp: What is karma?

In September 2008 I dug a little deeper into karma to find out what it's all about.

Karma isn't what I thought it was

I thought karma was something like what goes around comes around, something that evens everything out, makes the world fair, an eye for an eye, etc. Like, if you punch someone one day and the next day your wallet gets stolen, that would be karma. But apparently it’s none of those things.

According to this book I’m reading, The Dharma of Star Wars, as I mentioned in my first post, karma isn’t really like that. It actually makes a lot more sense, it isn’t some mystical force which keeps the world in order. Karma would be stealing a computer game from a shop, for example, and feeling guilty about it afterwards. The action you did which you perceived to be negative, brings about other negative feelings. Stealing brings guilt, negative actions bring negative feelings. And maybe you feel guilty every time you play the game. That’s more karma still. Plus good actions are good karma in the same way – you do a good deed for someone, you feel glad you could help them, you feel good about yourself. A positive chain of events. It’s just…what happens in the world, it’s every day life. It’s not some mystical force, it just makes sense.

And now that I know that, it’s going to annoy me every time someone makes an incorrect reference to karma.