Why you should cut your own hair

I cut my own hair last night.

I know, right?

I cut my own hair.

How utterly terrifying.

It was actually the most awesome thing I've done in a while. What happened was I was on Facebook thinking I hadn't changed my profile picture in a while, so I started looking at pictures to find a different one. And when I was looking at my old pics, I saw that in a lot of them I had this kind of side fringe-ish emo type thing going on. Basically, I didn't feel the need to see with my left eye. And I loved that look, but the hair just kind of grew out and the last time I asked for it again at the hairdresser's, they didn't really do it properly. So, looking through the pics reminded me how much I liked my hair like that.

I could have booked an appointment at the hairdresser's to get it cut, but I had a trim and my hair dip-dyed orange again just last weekend, so I didn't want to go back so soon. So I thought about how much better it would be if I could just do it myself, right away. And I went on YouTube and did a little research - about five or ten minutes' worth of research.

All the while when I was watching girls on YouTube demonstrate cutting their bangs, while fiddling with my hair and wandering between my laptop in the living room and the mirror in the bedroom, I was thinking to myself, "this is all very well and interesting, but you're obviously not going to do it. There's no way you're actually going to cut your own hair. You'll make a terrible mistake and regret it horribly. There's no way you're brave or stupid enough to do it.

But I went into the bathroom, got a pair of nail scissors and a comb, separated by fringe-to-be from the rest of my hair, and went in for the chop. My first thought was "oh my God, I've actually done it, what the fuck have I done? I can't undo that, what on earth has possessed me to do this?!" But there was no going back after that, so I carried on. And the more I did it, the more I got used to it and the more natural it felt, and the more I realised I wasn't completely messing it up.

I mean, it's not perfect, obviously, because I'm not a hairdresser and I don't make a habit of cutting hair! I did try once when I was about 12, I decided I wanted a bit at the front of my face that was shorter than the rest so it would frame my face when I put it in a ponytail. Naturally I cut it too short and felt really rubbish about it afterwards. The difference is, I'm not 12 now, and I actually tried to do it properly this time. And you know what? After the initial panic, it felt good. It felt really good. And it still does!

I didn't expect it to, but it feels very empowering to have cut my own hair; to make a change myself instead of having to wait for someone else to do it for me. I feel cool. And now I have my old hair back, I feel a bit more like myself. Not only does it feel empowering, but it feels so free to do something like that, that I never do but actually could do anytime I want. Plus, it felt good that I managed to achieve this thing without messing it up - something I found to be quite a challenge! It felt exciting to do something so crazy and then to be successful at it! And I can't wait until my mum sees, she is going to freak out! My partner, who was out of the house at the time so wasn't around to talk some sense into me, doesn't seem particularly surprised. Maybe this is becoming some kind of normal for me. The only question is, what exciting and interesting thing should I do next?

It's hard being truthful online

It's really strange being so honest on the internet, because I never know who knows what about me. I've never been so honest and open online before, but with this blog and my personal Tumblr, I just say whatever I feel like saying. My Tumblr is even more revealing than this blog, and it's a relief to be able to say whatever I want. On Tumblr, it's mostly strangers reading, because I never post any links to those posts on Facebook or anywhere else.

But with this blog, I do say a lot of stuff, and the only reason I really hold back a bit is because this is a blog that's supposed to be about happiness, and me dwelling on negative things kind of defeats the purpose unless it's to explain a point about being positive.

So when I do post on here, I normally post a link on my @how2behappyblog on Twitter, and on my own personal Facebook - not the how to be happy Facebook page because there's nobody there, but my own private Facebook page where all my friends and family are. (Though I do hide these kinds of posts from my family.) And it just makes it a bit weird because I reveal a lot about myself on the internet that you can't just drop into conversation face to face. It makes me wonder who reads these things and who knows what about me. Sometimes I'm talking to someone - either online or offline - and I'll be thinking "Do you know? Do you know all about who I am, what I've been through in the past, how I feel about some things? What do you think about it? Do you think of me differently now, and is that for better or worse? Or do you just not really think about it much at all?" And it's really weird, because... I dunno, it's just odd. I do like telling the truth online though. It makes me feel brave. It's easier than saying things out loud, though at times it's still kinda hard... but face to face if I try to say something, sometimes the words just won't come out. That's a strange experience as well isn't it? When you're so close to saying something but you just can't bring yourself to say the words. Fear. Or something.

I'm not asking anyone to tell me that they know (unless they really want to). It's just something that occurred to me. And I like people to know, because it makes me feel like people know me better. Because it's such a big part of me now, whether I like it or not.

I've just realised I've managed to write this entire blog post without saying what "it" is. But if anyone is reading and they've read the blog before, they'll probably know already.

How do you define yourself?

I have a list of words I use to define myself - sometimes consciously, sometimes more subconsciously. Here are a few that immediately spring to mind, though I'm sure there are others:

Writer
Geek
Cancer survivor
Rock chick
Buddhist

What are yours? I love most of these words because they are so very me and define what I am. They're all as important as each other and work together, and I think it's important to not dwell on any one in particular, especially one that has negative feelings attached. Because we can all define ourselves in negative ways, and when we get too wrapped up in the negative definitions, we should choose another one to focus on. That's why I've been writing a lot lately and listening to music more. To try to throw the focus off the negative.

What are your best and worst self-definitions?

How strange is human society?

Another blog about a thought I had in the spa at the gym this morning, and I'm once again struggling to remember exactly how I worded it because I couldn't write it down at the time. But here we go: isn't it weird the way society is? I mean, you don't see animals doing the stuff humans do. And worrying. Why on earth do we worry so much or stop ourselves from doing things because of the so-called rules that society dictates?

Like holding back a burp or a fart, or shaving our legs, or deciding to not wear a certain item of clothing because the other humans will think it doesn't look good on us. Who cares? Talk to me about something that matters. Let's worry about world peace, putting an end to homophobia, whether or not we're able to pay the bills or feed our families or explore more corners of our beautiful world. Why be concerned about getting a close shave under your armpits when you can be spending time planning your next trip? Why bother about what your body looks like at a club when you could be swept away by music instead?

It's not easy, I know. The other day I got upset because my belly was looking a bit bigger than usual, and I stepped on the scales and found I'd put on about three pounds. So I went about having my shower and then sat on my bed in my towel and racked my brain trying to figure out why it upset me and why on earth it should matter so much. It's not like I'm overweight, or that there aren't parts of my body I like, so why should my belly sticking out a bit matter at all? I couldn't come up with an answer, but it certainly did feel like it mattered. It still does. (I like wearing tight dresses because I think my booty looks awesome in them, but of course they're tight at the front too, so they don't look so good. It's partly because I had my bowel removed so the bottom part of my belly is completely flat and the bit above it then sticks out even more, but there's only so much I can blame on cancer - my belly looking big is mostly just me eating too much crap.)

I digress. My main point is, why is it weird or bad to do things that are completely normal and natural for mammals/human beings to do? I burp, I poop loudly (can't help that!), I fart (only in the toilet), sometimes I don't bother shaving my legs or armpits (more warmth in winter, right...?), I wear clothes that highlight my bad bits as well as my good bits, I wear baggy clothes that do nothing for me because they're comfortable or have my favourite bands on them, I care very little about what other people think about what I look like or what I do. There isn't enough time or energy in life to conform to every "rule" dictated by society, and it sometimes baffles me how normal it is for people to not do something they want to do or to do something they don't want to do just for the sake of conforming or not looking bad. Let me look bad. I'll still be happy, because I'll be doing what I want, and being how I want to be. Next time you're wondering what people think or what's "right" within society for you to do, ask yourself why you're worrying and say does it even matter?

All About That Bass

What made me happy today: This song!

It makes me feel all happy about my body and my big booty and boobs, in spite of my belly which could do with a bit of toning up! Self confidence FTW! :)

Favourite lines:
"I got that boom boom that all the boys chase, and all the right junk in all the right places"
"Every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top"
"My mamma she told me don't worry about your size, she says boys like a little more booty to hold at night"

(Also, sorry for the radio silence for about a month; work has been crazy busy these past couple of weeks so when I've gotten home I haven't felt like doing anything productive! I also went on holiday to Amsterdam for a few days, and spent a little time being too happy to have time to blog about happiness. Well, sort of. Hopefully more updates to follow soon.)

My tiny Heisenbergs

The other day I wrote a blog entry about being excited about buying stuff because the people who work at the place make it exciting (Getting customers excited). I mentioned that I was excited about getting my nails done, so here's the finished product!

Aren't they awesome? They were done by Tina at All Things Nails in Wellingborough, and she probably took a much better photo than I have, so there might be one appearing on the All Things Nails Facebook page. Love my Breaking Bad nails!

Getting customers excited

As a customer, I love buying stuff from people who are excited about what they're selling or the service they're providing - especially if I've had a lot of input about what it is that I want. For example when I first went to the hairdresser's to get my hair dyed, my hairdresser was so excited about the colour I was getting. I know, because she said so, and she practically clapped her hands with joy when it was finally all finished and had turned out really well.

I had a similar experience the other day when I contacted a girl I've been to before who does my nails, to tell her about an idea I'd had that I'd like her to do for me. I haven't been in for an appointment yet (we spoke about it just last night) but I'm even more excited because the nail technician loves the idea and really wants to create it for me. Also today I've had some similar interactions at a store and at a restaurant discussing the products and food with the staff - it's so nice to share happiness and excitement this way!

Music appreciation - the original ones are the best (sometimes)

What made me happy today:

I was listening to a Swedish radio station and a song I recognised came on. It took a few seconds for me to place it but I realised it was "Wherever You Will Go", only it was the original version by The Calling, and not that cover that some woman did that was on the Twinings advert, or whatever it was. So nice to hear the original being played! Here are some important things to remember:

"Run" was originally by Snow Patrol, not Leona Lewis
"Valerie" was originally by The Zutons, not Amy Winehouse
"Somewhere Only We Know" was originally by Keane, not Lily Allen
"Many of Horror" was originally by Biffy Clyro, not Matt Cardle (and it was called "Many of Horror", not "When We Collide!")

Poetry: Mortality

How about a change of pace? I haven't written anything in a million years (ish), so it's not my best, but it's a start so it's good enough for now. Actually the second one I've wrote tonight, picked up from scraps of notes I've saved on my laptop.

Mortality

I guess you just don’t think about mortality like I do
Because I’ve seen it up real close and studied it like it was something new
It grabbed me by the neck and questioned my morality,
Put its shades upon my face so I could see it with more clarity

And now I see it everywhere, in everyone I know
I see so plainly that no-one ever questions when they’ll go
We don’t know when that door will knock or when the bell will ring
 But I had a dream we all died, and I felt better about the whole thing.

Obsessions

I haven't posted in a few days because I've been very busy with the latest thing to make me happy - Breaking Bad. I just finished the whole thing the other day, and now I'm starting over from the beginning. I love it when I get an obsession going.

I went out for a meal with my family last night for my dad's birthday, which also made me happy, and I'm going to write a good review on Trip Advisor for the restaurant because they totally deserve it - the food and staff were all awesome. And giving praise where it's deserved makes me happy, too. As does thanking people for little, simple things.

Thinking about obsessions and fandoms, I think they're really important because they're a source of happiness that takes you out of real life for a while and helps you focus on things that are awesome instead of things that aren't so good.

Sometimes I get scared and I don't know where to put it

Sometimes I put it in words. Very occasionally I put it in pictures. Either way, if it has somewhere to go, we both feel better.

For me, it's the whole Lynch syndrome thing. I have realised recently that it makes me feel like I have no control, but almost completely responsible at the same time, which is an odd combination. Because I can't control whether I get cancer again or not, but if I do get it again and it's worse than the first time, it will be my fault because I know it could happen again and that I should look for any signs and be vigilant, so it's my responsibility to look out for it and stop it before it gets bad. I have been forewarned. So yeah. It scares me sometimes. I tried to get rid of the feeling the other night by going on Tumblr and basically typing that I was scared about ten times, just to get it out. Didn't really make much difference, so I drew it instead.

Happiness news round-up

Here's what's been happening in the news recently - see, it's not all doom and gloom!

New study suggests happiness classes should become part of the school curriculum

Teaching life skills and the pursuit of happiness

The little secrets of our happiness: How finding a fiver in your pocket or sleeping on fresh bed sheets are the things that put us in a good mood

ERMEHGERD Professor Green retweeted me!

Happy happy happy happy!!

I dunno why we get so excited when celebrities retweet us... But to hell with analysing it, Professor Green retweeted me! Though I probably should have watched this match, seems to have been one of the best matches of the world cup so far... and I took my eyes off the screen for like ten minutes and all of a sudden it went from 6 - 0 to 7- 0 for Germany. Exciting evening! :D

The Happy Google Bell

It might sound silly or girly or childish but I love inanimate objects or animals with smiley faces on them. Like immensely happy cartoons or household objects that look like they're smiling. So one of my favourite things at work is the happy Google notifications bell. If you click the little bell on the top right hand corner of Gmail, or AdWords, or other Google sites, it shows you your notifications and if you don't have any notifications there's a happy bell:

He's so happy, right? But THEN, only recently, I accidentally clicked the bell. And that made me even more excited, because when you click Mr Bell, he smiles even more and does a little wiggly dance:

Look how happy he is!! Definitely worth breaking my "one exclamation mark only" rule. And that's why at least once a day I go ahead and click the little bell of happiness, because he makes me all gooey inside.

How to be happy at work

Business Insider has a few interesting tips for being happier at work, from finding meaning in what you do to taking your time and stressing less. Some pretty useful stuff!

I'd like to add a few of my own:

1. Have a little treat at work
In my office there is frequent cake. We even have a dedicated "cake table" where we put biscuits, chocolate, and other assorted goodies, including pancakes on Shrove Tuesday and our Christmas feast. It breaks up the day and gives people something to look forward too - a bit of a boost.

2. ...But not too many treats!
I try to abstain on occasion because if I indulged every time I'd just feel guilty, and I do like to sort of pretend I'm watching my weight a little bit.

3. Sit comfortably
Chairs matter. Bad posture is why I go for massages. Massages are happy; good chairs and sitting up straight are happy, too.

4. Considering priorities
Not just your own priorities, but other people's. This is helpful if you're a bit impatient like I am and want everything to be done immediately. Other people's priorities are different to yours. It's just a good thing to bear in mind when you need stuff to be done - they might have something higher up on their list even if the task in question is the first thing on yours.

5. Be yourself
For me at least, it can be hard to find work clothes I feel comfortable in. I just don't feel like myself if I'm not in jeans and hoodies or t-shirts. But I bought a couple of new tops the other day that I could wear at work or at home - I wore one for work today and kept it on once I got home. I'm still wearing it now; if I don't throw it off as soon as I walk through the door, it's definitely a feel-good top. And I feel happier when I feel like myself and not restricted or having to wear things I don't like.

I'm on YouTube! ...Sort of.

This is what made me happy this week:



I'm on YouTube! Apart from not feeling too happy about my face or the sound of my voice (ick), it's quite nice to be a little bit involved in something cool, and this is a pretty good channel - if you're interested in learning Swedish even a little bit, it's a good way to pick up some random words.

We're all overgrown children, really

Isn't it weird how when we're kids adults seem like some sort of different species? It's like we seem to think that one day, on our 20th birthday or something, we wake up and we're responsible, old, and know everything - what we're doing, where we're going, how life all works.

Well, that was a complete myth, wasn't it? None of us really have any clue, there's no magic spell that suddenly makes us know everything we need to know. We're all just muddling through with minimal idea of what we're doing, right?

We're all children, just older children. And since we're all the same, there's nothing wrong with that.

Self expression

You know what makes me happy? Self expression. I love expressing who I am, and expressing who I am is an important part of who I am, if that makes sense! I can't imagine being any way other than myself, and I love to feel so completely like myself the way I do when I dress or make myself up to show my true self.

For me, it's band t-shirts, black nail polish, and if I'm going out in the evening and/or don't mind looking like a panda the next day when I realise I don't have make up remover to hand, it's eyeliner/mascara as well. And baggy jeans, and my Slipknot wristband, and most recently, dip-dyed dark red hair. Which is what really brought this blog post on - I had dip dyed ginger hair before which I loved, but when it started to fade I decided to change it up a bit and the result suits my image so much, I'm really happy with it.

Isn't it great when you feel so much like yourself and confident about it as well?

Finding meaning in all religions

There's a church a few streets away from my house that I drive by every day on the way to work and back. Sometimes I notice that the church has a banner hung up at the front of it, with some sort of slogan or message. Today it says "The first duty of love is to listen". This was apparently said  by Paul Tillich, who according to Wikipedia, was "a German American Christian existentialist philosopher and theologian who is widely regarded as one of the most influential theologians of the twentieth century."

A couple of months ago I saw another sign at the same church, and having a lot on my mind, the quote really resonated with me and seemed to be where I needed it to be at just the right time. Unfortunately I can't remember what the quote was, which is a bit annoying! It was something to do with not despairing or losing hope, and I think God was in there somewhere. How annoying that something that was so poignant has completely slipped from my memory. It's true what Maya Angelou said though - you don't always remember the words, but you remember the feelings they gave you.

I digress. My point is that this was a sign outside a Methodist church, and I'm no Christian. I'm a Buddhist. But it made me think - I believe that all religions share much of the same fundamental values, regardless of how they are taught, the rituals and the people who practice them. I believe there is something to be taken away from all religions - that if you look closely enough at each one, you can find something, even if it's just something small, that is valuable and that will resonate with you. Have a go.

(Out of interest, I came across this webpage which has some very good quotes about despair - none of which is the one I'm thinking of. Still very interesting, though.)

Music mash up

I came up with the idea last night while thinking about my upcoming consultant's appointment, to put the lyrics of several songs together to make one song or poem - sort of like a medley, but a sensible medley where the lyrics put together make perfect sense and have the same theme and feeling. Here's one I was thinking of; if I could sing I would sing it and put it on YouTube, but written format will have to do instead. See if you can see which songs I used, and I'll tell you underneath:

If you close your eyes,
Does it almost feel like
Nothing changed at all?
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
And if you close your eyes,
Does it almost feel like
You've been here before?
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues drawn
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?
'cause pretending everything is alright when it ain’t, really isn’t working.

For this I used Shake It Out by Florence & The Machine, Pompeii by Bastille, and Read All About It by Professor Green. If I were to sing it, it would all sound the same - some sort of slow melody that sounds a bit like all of the songs so that it sounds similar to all of them but all the lines also sound like they belong to the same song.

The Happiness Project

While I was on holiday I read a book called The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. The author dedicated each month of a whole year to improving something specific about her life in order to make herself happier and more appreciative of her life. It's a really interesting book, and she has a blog and a website as well. The website has tools and information for anyone who wants to try anything similar, and it's a pretty inspiring and interesting book so it's not surprising that after reading it people want to give it a go themselves! On The Happiness Project website, there's ideas for goals and resolutions and changes you can aim for. I might even try doing my own happiness project, and if I do, I'll keep this blog updated with it!

Returning from holiday

I'm back from holiday! We had a very nice time in Porto Santo doing not very much at all. It is quite nice to be home, though - I think whether you want to go somewhere new and unfamiliar or if you want to stay at home and appreciate the familiar, you should go away for a few days, because a vacation gives you something new to see and then you appreciate home and the familiar more when you get back. Win-win!

Though when I did come back I came home to a letter offering me an appointment with a consultant in London, so... not a brilliant welcome. I'm trying not to think about it, but it's things like that that make peace of mind seem more unattainable.

The wonders of travelling!

The blog will take a short haitus as I go off on holiday for a week!

I'm off to (hopefully) sunny Porto Santo, which is a really small island just north of Madeira in Portugal. It's just 16 square miles with 9km of beach, and it's apparently really peaceful and untouched. We've never been there before, so we're hoping it's going to be as nice as it looks in the pictures!

Stay tuned for a few pics when I get back and normal blogging resumes. In the meantime if you have any thoughts on any of my previous posts, please do comment as it's nice to know that people are reading! See you soon!

Increase your happy to unhappy ratio

Try this:
For every negative thing you think, say or do, you have to think, say or do two positive things.

Soon you'll have no time for negative thoughts, words or actions because you'll be too busy trying to make up for them by cramming in loads of positive stuff!

Being a blank slate - find new experiences!

The other day I saw a man riding down my street on a horse. Which is pretty unusual. A nearby dog being walked with its owner also seemed to think it was pretty unusual, as he/she was barking and scampering about. As we walked by, the dog's owner said "she's never seen a horse before!"

How perplexed/excited/interested/amazed must that dog have been, to be seeing a different animal for the first time? It must be the same as what it's like for babies learning new things and meeting different stuff - being a completely blank slate!

Wouldn't it be great if we could all be like that, even as adults? To find something every so often that we've never seen before, done before or been to before? How exciting life could be if we only looked a little harder for those new and exciting experiences!

Timewarp: Where my "journey" began

For the final instalment of my Timewarp series, the first post I wrote about Buddhism, on 23rd September 2008. A couple of "aww" moments in there for me at the beginning and end, there.

First Post

Have you ever read a book, and while reading it, thought, “this book is going to change my life”?
I’m reading The Dharma of Star Wars. It’s all about how Buddhism can be applied to Star Wars, the similarities between Buddhism and Jedi, and it’s really interesting. It has explained some theories to me in a better way than other Buddhism books have, and I understand it all so much more now. It talks about the theory of emptiness, how if you take away every external entity which makes you you, like physical things such as water, oxygen, your parents even having sex in the first place, then things that shaped your personality such as people around you, your life experiences, places you’ve been – if you take all that away, there is nothing left. It is impossible for anyone to exist without other things existing – nobody exists independently. Without other things, we are empty. Also, about suffering, and how it’s the way in which we perceive things to be bad which makes us suffer. For example, constantly chasing after things we want, like clothes, convinced that if we own these things we will be beautiful and that these clothes are the key to our happiness. Or, looking for a new job, which is fine, but telling ourselves that we will not be happy unless we find a new job, and when we do find a new job, everything will be fine. And about how everything is impermanent.

It is so interesting, and…I love it. It makes me think. When I was in Catholic school, we were never taught to question anything. Buddhism tells us to question everything, not just take it as it is because that’s what Buddha said. Also, it strikes me as strange when people do or don’t do things because that’s what their religion tells them to do or not do. Surely we should be not doing things because we know that they are wrong, and that we find it morally wrong and therefore do not want to do them, rather than simply not doing it because our religion tells us not to, and we are blindly following it.

Some things in Buddhism are hard to get my head around but it’s great in that way, having to think about things and question them. Like reincarnation, I’m not sure about that yet, but if I was to believe in it, it would make the world and life seem so much less scary. I already know that everything is impermanent, now if I could just believe that there is definitely something after this life, and that too is impermanent, and there is something after that too, then there would be nothing to fear. Maybe if I think more, and read more, and learn more, I will feel more strongly about that concept.

it’s amazing how much this book has helped me, in comparison to other books I have read. I have only read about three books, but this one helps me understand things more by applying them to situations in the Star Wars movies. Until now, I hadn’t really actively tried to put these ideas into practice, but now I do. I indentify when I’m not being mindful and attempt to do so, though it is a difficult thing to remember to do after not doing it for twenty years. I think about my negative feelings about things, and how they are negative because I interpret them in that way, and my attachments. And so, I decided to make a blog so that I can jot down some things about this journey I feel I am beginning. Wow, how cheesy did that sound? Very overdone and cliché, however appropriate.

Enjoy.

Timewarp: What is karma?

In September 2008 I dug a little deeper into karma to find out what it's all about.

Karma isn't what I thought it was

I thought karma was something like what goes around comes around, something that evens everything out, makes the world fair, an eye for an eye, etc. Like, if you punch someone one day and the next day your wallet gets stolen, that would be karma. But apparently it’s none of those things.

According to this book I’m reading, The Dharma of Star Wars, as I mentioned in my first post, karma isn’t really like that. It actually makes a lot more sense, it isn’t some mystical force which keeps the world in order. Karma would be stealing a computer game from a shop, for example, and feeling guilty about it afterwards. The action you did which you perceived to be negative, brings about other negative feelings. Stealing brings guilt, negative actions bring negative feelings. And maybe you feel guilty every time you play the game. That’s more karma still. Plus good actions are good karma in the same way – you do a good deed for someone, you feel glad you could help them, you feel good about yourself. A positive chain of events. It’s just…what happens in the world, it’s every day life. It’s not some mystical force, it just makes sense.

And now that I know that, it’s going to annoy me every time someone makes an incorrect reference to karma.

Timewarp: Buddhism in everyday life

In 2008, I found it difficult to apply Buddhism to my every day life and keep it in mind constantly. It's not always easy to remember teachings we agree with and want to apply to our lives, but I think I find it easier now than I did back then.

Buddhism Every Day

When I started reading the book I have been referring to in my previous posts, I had barely anything to do each day. Now, a week later, I have started back at university, my third year, and I am slightly apprehensive about fitting Buddhism in to my every day life. That last week of summer, I was reading that book and every single day i was thinking about Buddhism and trying to apply its teachings to my every day life. I was trying to be mindful, remembering that everything is impermanent, and this all came naturally to me. Now, suddenly thrown back into university and all the work that comes with the final year of a degree, I find myself losing sight of the fact that everything is impermanent, and worrying over the things that are going to be unpleasent for me in the upcoming academic year, such as group work and presentations. I found it difficult to talk myself around to the way of thinking that I had previously been practicing, and when I thought of it at the end of the day, after being at university from 9am to 5.30pm, I felt that I didn’t have the energy to apply that kind of thought to my day, that I would rather push my worries away and forget about them than deal with them and realise their impermanence. I don’t want every uni day to be like that. I want to be able to apply these beliefs to everything I do, and I think it might be a bit more difficult than I had anticipated.

Timewarp: It's okay to feel, man.

In October 2008 I rambled a bit about emotions and how we shouldn't necessarily put labels on them to define them as good or bad. I think I'm actually learning things from my past-self.

Blogging As Meditation

My friend wants to borrow my book, which I haven’t read for a few days, but will give to him as soon as I have. It doesn’t really matter if he doesn’t agree with what’s written there, I’d just love to have someone to discuss it with. I’m looking forward to hearing what he thinks.

It’s still difficult to remember to be mindful during the day, while I’m out and about, socialising and working. It’s hard to stop and think, and apply what I’ve been learning to what’s going on. If someone is being annoying, it’s easier to snap at them than to pause and think, and react appropriately. It’s something I forget to do. Perhaps it will come more easily with practice.

I’ve been thinking about suffering and emotions, and I’ve started to realise that yes, our emotions cause us to suffer, but the answer isn’t to tell ourselves to stop feeling a certain way. I think it’s too much to ask – I’ve spent twenty years feeling angry and happy and excited and upset, and everybody is the same. What we should be doing is acknowledging these emotions; not putting labels on them like “this is a bad emotion” or “I am a bad person for feeling like this”, but to realise how we feel and that it’s okay to feel that way, then to realise that these emotions are impermanent, and to not attach ourselves to them. In the past, I have felt angry, and somehow enjoyed being angry a little, and knew that I should be angry about whatever it was, and so I held on to this anger – I was attaching myself to it, and that was causing my suffering.

And, a final  thought. This blog really helps me to think about Buddhism, and to understand it a little more, relating it to my life. Perhaps blogging is a little like meditation. My other blog, which I use as a diary really, might also be a bit like meditation – I get my thoughts out,  I observe them, I have written them down and then I can let them go.

Timewarp: Rebirth

Written in October 2008. I have made little headway with these questions!

I finished reading The Dharma of Star Wars, so now I need something else to read. I’ve read Buddhism For Beginners by Thubten Chodron, and also have Buddhism For Dummies, which I’ve read parts of. However, neither of those have been as helpful as The Dharma of Star Wars. I also have The Art of Happiness, which I read most of, but haven’t picked it up for ages so I’ll probably just start it over.

Reincarnation

The question which was playing on my mind last night was to do with reincarnation, or rebirth. Since Buddhists don’t believe in a soul, exactly what is it that is reborn? It kind of ties in with the theory of no self. I can sort of understand the concept of emptiness, that we cannot exist without all of the things that make us, us – our parents, the environment, our habitats, the people around us, and that everything is impermanent – who we are today is not who we were yesterday or last year – the argument that if our bodies are ever so slightly different to yesterday because skin has fallen off, we have cut our nails or our hair fell out a bit when we brushed it this morning, then what exactly is it that is the same as yesterday, what part of us has carried on, and will still be here tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day? Even our emotions have changed since last night, maybe we feel a little differently about our relationship with someone today, and some things are more important today than they were before. The answer, then, to the question of what was here yesterday and is here today and will continue tomorrow and the next day, is nothing. I can understand that. However, I cannot let go of the fact that I am myself, in this body, with this mind, and although things about me have changed, I am the same person. If I bought a car brand new and then five years later it was involved in a crash and was written off, it would be very badly damaged and unusable, it will have changed dramatically, but it would still be the same car. Wouldn’t it?

This is why I cannot get my head around reincarnation – if we are reborn, what is it that is reborn, and how does it happen? I suppose every moment we are reborn. Maybe we are reborn into a new body and a new life, a new person or a new creature in the same way that we are reborn into every second – an hour ago, my hair was wet and curly from being in the shower, and now it is dry and straight. A few moments ago I took a sip of my drink, so there is something in my body which wasn’t there the moment before I had a drink. But I am still the same person who wrote the first entry in this blog over a week ago. But I’m different. So rebirth – does it work in the same way? Does it happen straight away or is there something in between? Are we just the same, but different? How much do we change? And does rebirth mean the same thing as reincarnation? All these questions to be answered – I’ll get back to you as soon as I learn more.

Timewarp: Is Buddhism a religion? More importantly, does it matter what on earth you call it?

Dear past-me: you're right, it really doesn't matter, and I get that now more than I did back then.

A rose by any other name would surely smell as sweet, or some such.

What Annoys Me
What irks me ever so slightly, is when people use the words atheist and religious as antonyms. Now, I like to think of Buddhism as a religion. But it is an atheist religion. Because all atheist means is that people don’t believe in any gods. I know it shouldn’t matter whether people think Buddhism is a religion, a way of life or a philosophy, and that I shouldn’t have to put a label on it. But thinking of it as a religion makes me feel safe. Maybe it is a religion. I can think of one reason why: rebirth. Surely the idea of reincarnation makes it a religion. Well. Like I said, it doesn’t matter. It just gets a bit annoying when you’re trying to talk about religion and people butt in to tell you that Buddhism isn’t a religion. It’s quite pedantic, I suppose. It is what it is.

***

This was written in 2008, and this is what a commenter back then said:

"Religion or not, it’s of much consequence if we don’t try it and see if it works for us. All the time used in arguing would be better spent testing the validity of the teachings."

They're absolutely right.

Timewarp: How to let go of anger

I really like this blog. The example in it is a great example of the reasoning I still apply today almost as second nature now, and I think it's one of the biggest ways in which Buddhism has changed my perspective, and changed me as a person. This was written in 2009.

Anger and Motivation

In The Art of Happiness, the Dalai Lama talks about how we can deal with anger. I feel as if I’m always in here talking about books I have read and not real experience, but this particular section of this book is something I feel I can really apply to my life, and I have in fact, without really realising it. It seems that the more I read, the more I absorb, consciously or subconsciously, and I find myself applying ideas to my behaviour.

Anyway, this particular chapter stuck with me and made a lot of sense. It teaches us to think about why we are angry and if our anger is justified. It asks us to question whether or not we should really be angry at a person – did they intentionally try to make us angry? For example, I was at work yesterday, just about to close my till and go home, and was serving my last customer. My shift finishes at half six and as the clock on my till said six thirty and I was yet to close up my till, I was beginning to get impatient with my customer, who was slowly searching through her purse for her store card. As I felt myself get frustrated with her, I stopped and realised that of course she wasn’t keeping me waiting on purpose. She probably didn’t realise that it was time for me to go home and so, why should I get angry at her? I could have allowed myself to get annoyed about not getting out of work exactly on time and had a bit of a rant about it when I got home, but it wasn’t like I had anywhere else to be. So I let it go, and until I came to think of an example to demonstrate in this blog, I had completely forgotten about it.

Of course, sometimes people do things which are intentionally mean, and perhaps we should be angry about them. But what does this anger achieve? How does being angry at the person solve the situation? It just makes us feel bad and is an obstacle in the way of our happiness. We shouldn’t allow ourselves to be doormats, and should certainly point out when someone is being unfair or hurtful because they might not realise it. But it is always best to let feelings of anger go and to not get attached to them because ultimately, these feelings do not help anyone.

Talking about bad stuff leads to even more wallowing

Today I'm realising that if you stop talking about something negative, you don't think about it so much.

Let me rephrase that.

Today I'm realising something that sounds totally obvious.

Today I am realising that when faced with a reminder of something, I can either dwell on it and wallow in my own little negative world of remembering and unhappiness (why do we sometimes seem to want to do that?), or I can decide not to think about it and to concentrate on something else.

Also that talking about something makes you think about it even more. Which sounds obvious, but I mean... so much thought has to go into what you're going to say, who to, how to say it... it'd take less thought to think about it and then decide to not pay it any attention.

Just one of those things that we sometimes forget, even though when you say it out loud it's like... duh?

Timewarp: Yet more Easter eggs!

From February 2009. I don't agree with this post. The most Buddhist thing to do probably would have been to not eat the Easter egg, and have some gosh-darn discipline. I was definitely attached to the egg's yumminess!

Chocolate Reasoning

I was thinking about attachment again a couple of nights ago. I don’t know about other countries, but in the UK when it’s getting close to easter (well, ish), stops start selling easter eggs – large eggs made out of chocolate. I bought my first one the other day because I really like them, and for some reason easter egg chocolate tastes even better than chocolate bar chocolate. This egg I bought was a little smaller than most, so I was in two minds whether or not to eat one half of the shell or the whole thing. I decided to take a Buddhist approach, and thought about my attachment to the chocolate. Talking through it with a friend online, I realised that if I was to eat it, it would show I was not attached to it because I would not miss it when it was gone. However, if I did eat it, I would be giving into temptation, thus holding on to my attachment to its yumminess. I declared myself to be in a no-win situation. Or…a win-win situation. It seemed that either action would be showing an attachment to the egg, and it was of no real consequence whether I ate it all then or saved some for the next day. It seemed that the Buddhist view on this small matter would be that it didn’t matter what I did.

So I ate it all up that night. It was very yummy.

Timewarp: Still trying to be mindful

Another blog post from 2009, this one talking about yoga and being mindful. I'm beginning to think I wrote a lot more cohesively back then!

Yoga and the Future

*** Yoga means “unity”, the linking of the mind and the body. It seems to be very aptly titled as after a session I always feel a lot more mindful of what I am doing. I don’t know if it’s the yoga or the meditation that follows, but it always has the same effect. This was written two days ago after one of those sessions.***

It was today that I realised that life isn’t about what’s going to happen or what we are going to do. It’s about right now, me locking my hands together behind my back, stacking my knees on top of each other and folding forward. It’s about me writing this now, gently, still feeling the peace that comes after a yoga and meditation session. You reading this now. It’s so easy, especially now, so close to graduation, to get bogged down with difficult decision making – what will I do next, who will I work for, will it be enjoyable? What about right now, focusing on the rhythm of the pen as it scratches the paper, how soft the bed I’m lying on is and how refreshing the cool parts feel against the soles of my feet. That’s how our feet should feel. They’re always walking somewhere, taking us to something, what’s next, what’s next, what’s next? How about right now? How many things do you do during the day that you don’ concentrate on, you just do them automatically, or out of habit? Maybe climbing out of bed,washing your face, putting clothes on, locking the door, talking to a friend. How consciously do you notice every part of these interactions? Next time i find myself feeling worried about the future, I’ll stop and ask myself, what about now? The future is uncertain, because everything is constantly changing. The only thing that is certain is what has already happened, and since we can’t change that, we might as well focus on what we do have control of – this very moment.

Timewarp: Is everything relative?

This one was written during my Derren Brown obsession in September 2009. I think the last sentence is probably the most interesting part of the whole thing, but that may be because I don't remember any of the tricks this post talks about!

Linking Derren Brown to Buddhism

I seem to have a full-blown case of DerrenBrown-itis. While I was at work, daydreaming, I realised that what Derren does can be linked to Buddhism.

Buddhism teaches that everything is essentially all in our heads. Nothing is naturally good or bad, but this is how we perceive things to be, and everyone perceives them differently. Sometimes we think things are great one day and not so good the next – the things are the same, but our state of mind is different. The thing itself, be it an object, an event or a person, might seem to be the same (although rebirth states that everything is changing all the time, these changes are not always obvious), but we might feel completely different about them from day to day. This is because our state of mind is changing.

In the show explaining the lottery prediction, Derren said that his technique might not work with people who actually wanted to win the lottery. How true that is and how much of his explanation was true, I have no idea. Maybe his explanation is true. People have believed crazier things. He also said that the fact that people were driven by fear (in the tricks with the cup with the knife in it and the box with the mouse in it), this fear made them fall into predictable patterns.

When people go to see a psychic’s show, their state of mind affects what happens as well. Maybe the psychic says “does anyone here know a John?” and someone in the audience stands up and says they do, and the psychic builds on John’s story through guesses (I’m talking about a fake psychic here), they might get something a bit wrong, but that person in the audience will want the psychic to be right, and in their mind they will make the information fit with John’s story. If they had a different state of mind, they would think that the psychic is being very vague and actually doesn’t really know anything about John at all.

I think that our state of mind also affected how we felt about Derren’s lottery prediction. I’ve watched several of his shows this past week and I’ve seen him predict what people are going to say, sometimes when they’re not even stood in front of him, sometimes over the phone, and it is the most bizarre and interesting thing to watch. When he’s in front of an audience and a person from the audience thinks of a question to ask him, and he guesses the question and the answer just by the person’s handwriting, what they say, what they look like and how they say it (I guess), nobody says “hey, we want a definite, exact explanation of how you knew all of this stuff that you couldn’t possibly know. ” They just accept it. But when he predicts the lottery numbers, everyone wants to know how he did it. Why? Because they have something to gain. People want to know how he did it so that they can do it themselves, or some similar recreation of it. They didn’t care about how he knew stuff in his shows, they just enjoyed it. Because their state of mind has changed – from simply feeling entertained, to desire and maybe greed.

The main thing that made me think about Derren Brown’s  (acts, tricks, talents?) in relation to Buddhism is an episode of Trick or Treat where he showed a woman four coloured cards – red, blue, green and yellow. He showed her the blue on and said that it might not definitely be blue, there could be a bit of green in there, people might have different opinions. He then asked her what colour the card was, after a bit of convincing, and she said it was green. Continuing in the same way, he convinced her that yellow was really red, and then she seemed to come to the conclusion herself that the red card was black. They then went outside to look at her red car, and she was absolutely certain that someone had painted it black, and, pointing to a big yellow car, she said that her car (before alledgedly being painted) was the same colour as “that red car over there”. Bizarre. I suppose this isn’t just to do with the point I made earlier about people’s state of mind, but more about how different people perceive things differently – a kind of sea colour might indeed look green to one person and blue to another, or maybe even to the same person on a different day. Nothing is definite, there are so many things that depend on people’s emotions, experiences, and in turn their state of mind. It makes me wonder:

Is everything relative?

Timewarp: Puppies don't stay puppies forever

In this post on 31st January 2010, I attempted to explain why happiness just doesn't stick around.

Why happiness can be fleeting

I am definitely going to make an effort to post here more often. What’s brought me here today though, is a topic that was brought up on the Young Writers Society (www.youngwriterssociety.com). A member asked “Why are the feelings of happiness/joy generally only momentarily?” I thought I could apply some Buddhist thought here, so this is what I came up with:

Why are the feelings of happiness/joy generally only momentarily?

Because everything is always changing – people, places, situations, relationships, etc. Even our perception of happiness changes. Let’s say Suzie buys a puppy. She’s so happy that she finally has a puppy. She feeds it and walks it and plays with it. But over time, the joy that she felt when she bought the puppy begins to fade. Perhaps because she’s gotten used to it (so her mind has adjusted – her own mind has changed), perhaps because she doesn’t have as much time to look after it as she did at first (her circumstances have changed), maybe because the puppy is getting bigger and isn’t quite as cute as it used to be (the puppy has changed). Things just change. And if everything is always changing, including ourselves, how can we possibly expect the same thing to always make us happy?

Timewarp: No, past self, you can't eat televisions

This post was written on 5th February 2010, and involves me rambling about potatoes and televisions being the same in an attempt to explain the concept of emptiness.

Is everything empty?

I was thinking earlier about the idea that nobody, or nothing, is inherently good or bad. Instead, it is us who creates the positive and negative in everything through our thought processes – something good for someone is not so good for someone else, people enjoy different things, have different morals. Not only that, but the things in question change, for example, someone might look forward to the summer holidays, but the weather changes after a week, and suddenly spending a day at the beach isn’t so appealing anymore. Or, the person’s view on it changes – one day they want to go to the beach, the next they don’t really feel like it.

So if people, objects and places are always changing, how can they be inherently good or bad? And if one person thinks something is good and someone else thinks it is bad, how can it truly be either of these things? So, the state, names and labels of these things are not created by them just being, but because we label them – what they are is dependant on us. (A table is a table because we put things on it… if we sat on it, it would be a chair.) Does that mean that everything is empty? The concept of emptiness meaning that things do not have inherent qualities. And if everything is empty, does that mean that everything is the same? A potato is empty, the television is empty, my jacket is empty. So a potato is the same as a television? Perhaps not, I can’t eat the television. Then again, I can’t very well eat a raw potato either, or at least, I’d rather not. Some people don’t like potatoes at all, and so a potato doesn’t seem edible to them. So in that way, the television is the same as the potato – neither of them are very edible as far as that person is concerned. But then, they do acknowledge that some people eat potatoes. Maybe some people try to eat televisions, too, who knows. It’s tricky.

The theory certainly is easier to apply to humans. We are not inherently bad and good, some people like each other, some people don’t. There is also unrequited love. It is clear that people are different in terms of morality, and what some people consider acceptable is immoral to other people, so the idea of someone being “bad” and someone else definitely being “good” is pretty much out the window. But really, people have the same biological needs, everyone has feelings, and everyone wants to be happy. So everyone is the same, and everyone is empty. (Even though everyone is different in some ways and people are always changing, the basic needs are the same.) I’m not so sure this theory of same-ness can passed to inanimate objects to the same extent.

Timewarp: The Easter egg obsession continues

This post is from my old blog written on 19th February 2010.

More thoughts on Easter eggs

I was thinking about easter eggs last night (while eating one, of course. A little early, but I can’t resist) and I was wondering what it is that makes it taste better than regular bars of chocolate. Is it the shape, do they make it slightly differently, somehow? What’s the secret?

And then maybe I thought it’s the fact that they are so rare that makes them so tasty. Perhaps because we know they aren’t sold all year ’round, we savour them more and make more of a point to enjoy them. Then it’s not the egg that’s different – it’s the same chocolate – but it’s our own minds that make the chocolate more enjoyable. So our own perceptions of food are part of what makes them taste good. Or bad. Maybe mud only tastes disgusting because we know it’s not good for us. I assume it tastes bad, anyway. Maybe we (or I) dislike vegetables because they are good for us, and there is that general feeling that if something is bad for us, it tastes better. Interesting. Of course, there are things such as taste buds and other personal differences to take into consideration, but perhaps this is one factor. I mean, surely the way we think affects absolutely everything, taste being no exception.

Quick Tip: Get a massage

My quick tip for today is to get a massage. And I mean go to a proper place, not just get your significant other to do it... unless of course your significant other is a masseuse, then you're practically living the dream.

I've had headaches for a few weeks now but I went to get a massage and the woman said no wonder I was getting headaches, my neck and shoulders were full of knots. And since then, the headaches (not to mention the neck ache) have been a lot better. I'll definitely be going regularly from now on (next time I'm trying an Indian head massage for the first time), so whether you have back ache, you're stressed, or you've just never had one before, I'd fully recommend getting a good massage... even though it did hurt the next day!

Timewarp: New year

Here's another instalment from my old blog, this one written on 1st January 2011. I was 23, and I'm pleased to see my way of thinking hasn't changed that much. I'm pretty happy with this entry. :)

New Year

New Year has got me thinking.

Hello, by the way. I know I haven’t posted anything in a really long time. It’s been a bad year, health-wise, and I’ll say no more than that because I don’t want to get bogged down. There’s more to come, but I think the worst is over. I hope so, anyway.

I don’t really bother too much about New Year’s Eve. I normally do something with friends, usually at someone’s house, nothing more than an evening in, but I think it’s just another day really, that clock ticking over into the morning is just another second of our lives, another second of the year. Big deal. And it’s true. But when it turned midnight, I did feel that sense that it’s a new year, a new start, a new slate. Sort of cliché, but a little inspiring.  It’s all a state of mind though really, isn’t it? It’s not as if anything has changed significantly within that second. It’s just that our view on the world has changed. The world hasn’t really changed.

But the world has changed a little in that second, hasn’t it? Everything is always changing, nothing is permanent. Everything is ever so slightly different – our bodies, the room we’re in, the creases in the sofa we sit on, the dust on the table when we set a drink down, we’ve breathed in oxygen and breathed out carbon dioxide, we’ve blinked so the state of our eyes has even changed. We’ve moved our foot because we were uncomfortable with it in that position. All these tiny things. And it occurred to me today that it’s because the world around us is constantly changing that we need to find consistency within ourselves and keep a clear mind. You know when things are hard sometimes, you look for the one thing that’s always constant, like a friend to talk to or music to listen to or movies to distract us? Well, why can’t we find that consistency within ourselves? Why can’t our minds be the one thing we can rely on when the ride gets a bit rough? I know it sounds like something that’s difficult to achieve, but I think that’s what we should be striving for. I mean, when there’s chaos all around us, we must make it ten times worse for ourselves because our minds are so chaotic and we’re stressed, maybe we’re thinking irrationally and letting things get on top of us. Wouldn’t it be brilliant if we could make our minds a safe place that’s always calm no matter what’s going on around us? Maybe that’s a good new year’s resolution.

Timewarp: The three important things

This week I'm taking a look at an old Buddhism blog I used to write sporadically, my last post being exactly two years ago on Sunday. I'm reposting any posts I find I still agree with right here, and any I think weren't quite the right way of thinking, I'll pull apart a little. Here's the first one, from 11th May 2012!

Three Things

I’ve decided that there are only three things that are important in life:

1. Do what makes you happy. (Whether it’s big or small – from travelling the world, to having children, to eating pizza.)

2. Don’t do things that stop other people from being happy.

3. Try to stay alive in between.

And that’s pretty much it. Does it have to be any more complex than that? I think sometimes we just over-complicate things. Instead of analyzing things to death, maybe we should take a step back and say “would doing x make me happy?” and if it would, then do it, and if it probably wouldn’t, then don’t bother.

Maybe that’s a bit too black and white. But there isn’t enough time in the day to worry about things that don’t matter so much in the grand scheme of things. There’s not enough hours in the week for doing things you don’t enjoy doing. I know sometimes it can’t be helped, but I mean when it can be. I’m probably just rattling on now.


I never used to think like this. I’ve changed, for sure. I don’t know if this is all strictly related to Buddhism really, but it’s just how I think now. Do enjoyable things, don’t make other people unhappy, and try not to die. Pretty straightforward.

OECD Better Life Index

I found an interesting website today - the OECD Better Life Index, which looks at different countries and sort of tells you where you might be happy living. You state how important different things are to you, like safety, community and income, and it ranks the countries in order of how closely they match what you've entered.

You can also see other people's responses, learn more about how countries fare in terms of the different topics, and read interesting articles like how happiness can get you money. These guys also recently reported that Australia is the happiest country for the fourth year running.

Someone wants to look just like you

I went to the gym again today and while I was there I remembered what it was I was going to write about the last time I was there - told you it was a place of inspiration!

What it was, was I saw a girl there who was really slim. Like, she was so slim she didn't look very well at all. And I thought, I'm glad I'm not that skinny. maybe she was unwell, maybe she's just naturally slim as some people are, I don't know. It just made me think that it wasn't a shape I aspire to be, but many people do want to look just like that. And some people want to look larger, whether that's because they're not happy being slim, or they're like that woman who's trying to be the fattest woman in the world - there are people of all shapes and sizes who want to be whatever size they think is ideal for them, and that leads me to thinking that whoever you are in the world, there is someone out there who wants to look like you in some way, whether it's your shape, your hair, your eyes, or anything else. Kind of a nice thought to bear in mind?

Though of course at the end of the day there's only one person whose opinion on your looks is important, and that's you.

The positive physical effects of being pro-active

I've had an achy back and neck for a little while so today I went for a massage. I was thinking on the drive over that my back was feeling better today (apparently it was still full of knots though!), and isn't that so often the way? Like when you go to the doctors for something you've had for a little while, and on the day you go sometimes you feel better, and almost wonder if you should still be bothering to go.

I wonder if it's the thought of doing something to help the discomfort, that makes you feel better physically? We know the mind can have an effect on the body (hence needing a massage in the first place for stress-related back pain), so maybe it can also have a positive effect - when you decide you're going to do something to make yourself feel better, you start to feel better already. Just a theory I find interesting - have you had any similar experiences?

What was it again...?

I thought of a blog post to write while I was at the gym. Unfortunately, I've now forgotten it. But I do remember thinking afterwards that there was another reason I liked to go to the gym, that I had forgotten about - for the inspiration! I'd forgotten how much good it does just being in a different place and having time to just ponder things and do not very much at all. Hopefully later I'll actually remember whatever it was I was going to write...

You can't make everyone happy

You can't make everyone happy. There is only one person that you can guarantee you have the power to make happy - and that's you. So stop trying to please other people and steer that effort towards yourself. You will thank you later!

What made me happy today

I got a text message today from the gym I used to go to, saying I can rejoin and get next month half price. So I did it. And the thought of going back there, having a "happy place" to go to to get away from everything, and a way to get some exercise and get rid of my little bit of flab has made me so excited, and I didn't even realise it would! I suppose the lesson for today is to do something you're thinking about doing because it might make you even happier than you expect it to. Yay!

Happy birthday Shakespeare!

It's Shakespeare's 450th birthday today, or rather, it would be. So, what can we learn from Shakespeare about happiness? Well, he wrote more comedies than tragedies, and he had a lot to say about happiness - there are some quotes below - I'm not entirely sure what the first one means, so make of that one what you will:

"It is no mean happiness therefore to be seated in the mean."
- The Merchant of Venice

"Oh! how bitter a thing it is to look into happiness through another man's eyes."
- As You Like It

"When sorrows come, they come not single spies but in battalions."
- Hamlet

Happiness round-up

A bit of a collection today, here are some interesting and I think worthwhile articles about attaining happiness.

First from Forbes, why unrealistic expectations about our happiness can make us more unhappy, and how we can be more realistic in our happiness goals.

And here's a guy who was named the happiest man in America in 2010. He takes his title pretty seriously, and according to him, the secret is a good attitude.

And finally, an awesome infographic from the people over at Happify all about our favourite subject. Enjoy!

Happy Easter!

I have never seen anyone as excited about food as my partner was today about the roast dinner we had. Happy Easter and happy eating, everyone!

Choose your point of view

Isn't it interesting how you can look at something in two completely different ways? I'm specifically thinking about the simple fact that everything is finite, nothing lasts forever and eventually, we'll all die.

You can take that as "we're not here for very long, so there's no point to anything - why bother?"

Or you can take it as "we don't have much time, so we'd better make the most of it and do as much awesome stuff as we can."

Pick a side, and make it a good one.

Do we need faith to be happy?

I don't know if we need religion or spirituality to be happy. I would say no, religion - the whole going to church, prayer, and any other rituals or rules don't make for happiness. If your religion is important to you, then yes, taking part in those things will probably bring you some joy or comfort.

Studies have shown that religious people are in fact happier. Maybe that's because of the morals and teachings of religion - how they encourage being helpful, tolerant, creating a more connected community, and so on. And as we've said in a previous blog post, being kind and compassionate with other people is a way to be happier yourself, so that makes sense. But I'm definitely not saying that people who aren't religious don't have those morals - I don't believe that for a second. So, who knows how strong the correlation is. Studies can show whatever they fancy but that has little impact on an individual and their situation.

But I think the more important thing is spirituality - knowing your purpose, what your path in life is, what you want and how to get there. I would say we do need faith in something in order to be happy, even if it's simply faith in ourselves.

A full calendar

Isn't it funny how there's always something to look forward to? Easter chocolate is in the shops from New Year's Day, after easter everything's geared towards summer, then as soon as summer's over it's all about Christmas. I could just say well that's commercialism for you, but why not just say there's always something to look forward to instead?

Getting out of routine

Isn't it funny how we get into the routine of doing things we don't really want to do? Like driving a certain route to work in the rush hour, or work itself, or eating the same food you're bored of, or doing the same thing (or nothing at all) every evening. We get into the habit of doing things we're not really happy with, and just accepting it. How about not accepting it? How about shaking things up a bit, trying a different route, buying a different sandwich, trying somewhere new for dinner? How about a bit of change, a bit of interest, a bit more happiness?

Tuesday Treats

Tuesdays do nothing for me. It's always seemed to me that every other day of the week has something going for it - Monday is the first day of the week, so it's generally sucky (at least the thought of it is - the day itself isn't really all that bad...right?). Wednesday (aka hump day) is halfway there, Thursday is nearly there plus I go out with friends and family every Thursday evening. Friday is the last day of the week so it's awesome and I can stay up later. Saturday and Sunday mean having a lie in, so what's not to like there? Tuesday doesn't really have anything like that to define it with. So I'm starting Tuesday Treats.

And for my first Tuesday treat, I have something I've loved forever, and something I've started to love recently - Easter eggs and orange truffle Baileys.

I love Easter eggs. I have recurring dreams about them. I usually dream that I'm in a shop (last time it was Claire's Accessories, which makes no sense, but then dreams never do) and it was after Easter, maybe a few days after. The shop sold loads of Easter eggs and they were all reduced since it was after the event. It's always awesome. Then I wake up and it's October or something and I'm pretty disappointed.

But aside from that, there is nothing I love more in a supermarket than when they have shelves full of Easter eggs all perfectly lined up side by side. I would insert an image here to demonstrate but I can't see one on the net that suitably shows the magnificence of rows and rows and rows of perfectly aligned boxes of chocolatey amazingness. So here's a picture of my #tuesdaytreats. Can't wait to enjoy them!

Look up at the sky

Today is Look Up At The Sky Day. I don't know why, but it us. You know, how every day is a special (sort of) day, like *insert disease here* awareness day, national poetry day, etc? Tomorrow is something to do with not wearing any shoes, which is definitely something I'd be up for!

I did look up at the sky today, mostly because it was a really nice sunny day, and when I stepped outside my front door in the evening the sun was setting, the sky was bright pink and it looked amazing. Unfortunately I didn't manage to get a picture of it, but it was definitely something to be in the moment and appreciate.

National Pet Month

Apparently April is National Pet Month in the UK (it's in May in the USA). National Pet Month aims to promote responsible pet ownership as well as support for pet charities across the UK, so let's take a look at how having pets can make us happier.

Studies have shown that people with pets are happier, as well as healthier, both mentally and physically. Here are some links below for you to check out and decide for yourself the validity of these suggestions, but I'm sure all pet owners would agree that life would certainly be more dull without their furry friends!

The Therapeutic and Health Benefits of Pets

Living with a dog might reduce anxiety, increase happiness

Cats can make owners happier, healthier and gentler

Not a Buddha quote

Apparently this quote is not actually a quote from Buddha even though it is attributed to him. But I like it anyway because it promotes gratefulness and positivity:

"Let us rise up and be thankful,
for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little,
and if we didn't learn a little at least we didn't get sick,
and if we got sick at least we didn't die,
so let us all be thankful."

Being realistic about happiness

Even the happiest people aren't happy all the time.

It's normal to be down about things from time to time (it would be weird not to be!); the trick is to not hold onto things, and not get attached to negative emotions. That way, you can be happy again as soon as possible!

How easy is it to let go, really?

I think the hardest part is the realisation that you need to let go.

I didn't post a blog yesterday! It's the first day I've missed since I started blogging here in February. I was actually too distracted by relaxing to remember to write something. So if anyone is reading who is used to me posting something every day, my apologies!

But back to my original subject - I made a realisation today. I want to let go. I don't want to be the girl who can't forget. I don't want anything to take over my life while I'm trying to get on with it. I don't even want to be an advocate for cancer-related subjects - bowel cancer, counselling, talking about what life is like when you're trying to get over it. I just want to do the latter for myself.

So I need to do a bit of a cleanse, for starters. I'd already decided to unfollow anyone on Facebook who regularly posts pointless pictures about cancer - by pointless I mean not the charity ones asking for donations, but the "share this if you thin cancer sucks" type things. Obviously we all do. I can't be doing with the reminders anymore, it's going to drive me fucking crazy. So there's that. No reminders on Facebook, no trying to do any kind of fundraising events (tried that twice, my brain didn't appreciate it. I'm not against trying to make money for charity, obviously.) Enough.

And then what? It's all very well saying you want to get over something and forget about it, but how do you actually go about it? Try to cram life full of other stuff? Change negative thoughts into positive thoughts? Be mindful? Probably all of the above and more besides. It ain't easy stuff, but what is?

Striking a balance

Ever notice how many things we have to strike a balance between? Work and play, body confidence vs. vanity, being vigilant vs. being obsessive, eating healthily vs. treating ourselves. Take a few minutes every week to consider how well balanced your time and efforts are, and think about what you could change in order to improve that balance and your overall happiness.

Why do we like being scared?

I watched The Woman In Black this weekend. When I say this weekend, I mean this morning, in broad daylight, from behind a cushion. I don't generally like scary movies, at least not the paranormal ones (Saw-style blood and guts I can just about deal with, but ghosts and haunted houses? No thank you!). But this movie was actually really good, had an interesting story and I'd recommend it.

And while I was watching it, I thought about how people actually enjoy being scared - I mean, the movie did creep me out, but I kind of liked that feeling. Weird, right? It just seems a little counter-intuitive to make ourselves feel scared - which is generally thought of as a negative emotion - on purpose.

So I've done a bit of digging online, and essentially, it seems to come down to the fact that we know movies aren't real and they can't actually hurt us, but they still give us that adrenaline rush that comes with the psychological "fight or flight" reaction. If something makes us jump, it gives us that feeling, and we enjoy it - maybe we even laugh at ourselves for being scared. So in a way, when we're scared by things that aren't real, like movies, books and video games, we're experiencing positive and negative feelings at the same time - it's a negative emotion we're feeling, but we like it. I guess in that way it's like watching a sad movie - it upsets us, but at the time that's what we want it to do.

Also, a lot of people probably aren't half as easy to scare as I am!

Everyone looks out for themselves

I've just been browsing a few sites and came across this, over at positivelypositive.com:

"Anything that anyone does to you, is NOT about you, it is about the other person/people and where THEY are."

Right? If someone says something offensive to you, it's because of them and how they feel, not who you are. Plus, if someone does something to help you, sure it's partly because they like you and want you to be happy, but it's also partly for them.

I remember my A Level psychology teacher telling the class that there is no true altruism and that by the time we had finished his course he'd make us all as cynical as him. Well, I think he managed that because I don't think there is true altruism. I mean, yes, people do things for each other because they want that person to be happy. But is it really completely selfless? I mean, look at that sentence - people do things for each other because they want that person to be happy. They care about that person, so they do something caring for them, but even if they think they are being selfless, they aren't. Because if that person is happy, they're happier - making the person happy therefore relieves their own suffering. Plus, there are probably countless studies about how giving to charity or helping people makes people feel good. But we know that already.

My point is, there is no true altruism, at least on a subconscious level. My other point, the one that I started off with and managed to deviate from, is that once you realise that people's actions are always based at least partially on their own feelings and needs, you'll be more understanding and empathetic of them, and less offended - and therefore, happier.

Can people change?

Some people say that people never change, but I find that hard to believe. Not particularly speaking through experience, I think it's possible for people to change, and they do. But I think that one question can get mixed up with another.

For example, "People don't change" sometimes really means "People don't change into what I want them to be". Not always, but sometimes that's what people really mean.

Maybe it's not that people can't change, but that they don't. I think maybe people do have the capacity and ability to change, but they have to want to - they don't just change because they "should".

So can people change? Yes, but that doesn't mean that they will, or that you can do anything about it if they don't. But that's just one girl's opinion, as per usual!

A blog about a blog

Something new and interesting today, I have written a guest blog over at Cancer.net! It's about giving yourself a break - specifically after cancer, but I think you can apply the message to lots of situations, the general idea being that you should give yourself time to heal emotionally and physically from any trauma, and don't be hard on yourself if it takes longer than you initially thought. You can read my full blog post over at the Cancer.net blog. Hope you find it interesting and/or useful!

Why do we hate change so much?

Today I'm pondering why so many of us are so resistant to change. And I think it all goes back to that word again - attachment. If you haven't read my previous blog on this, here's a quick explanation of what attachment is.

We dislike change because we're attached to whatever it is we already have, and the way our lives currently are. If we were to rid ourselves of attachment, and to recognise that everything is impermanent, maybe we'd all be more accepting of change. We'd feel less disrupted when things did change, and more open to things being different.

This doesn't mean that we should always expect the worst or be negative. It just means that we should be able to say "I'm happy/unhappy with the way things are now, but I accept that they won't be this way forever."

That's my interpretation on why we don't like change, anyway - with a Buddhist slant. And remember what Turk from Scrubs once said - "Different doesn't always mean bad - it just means different."

A Quick Reminder

Here's a quick checklist of things to remind yourself of when you're feeling anxious or unhappy:

1. Everything is impermanent, including suffering. It never lasts forever.
2. Thoughts aren't facts. They're just thoughts. Pfft, you don't know everything.
3. It's okay to tell your brain to shut up and/or just veg in front of the TV for a while instead.

Buy wisely

I've had a headache for about two weeks, so before I lose it completely and drive all the way down to paranoiasville I went to the supermarket and raided the healthcare aisle. Quick tip - look at the brand of tablet you want, find out the active ingredient and look for something with the same active ingredient that's the supermarket's own brand. The tablets I bought were half the price of the branded stuff and twice the volume.

Then when I went to the checkout I got asked for ID because I was buying ibuprofen - I didn't have any ID with me as I wasn't expecting to be there (or to be asked for ID for a product you need to be 16 to buy!). I had to explain that I'm in fact 26 and that if she wanted to she could check with the manager because I used to work there and people knew me. She just put the items straight through the till after hearing that.

So a bit of an eventful shopping trip! Take aways are: buy wisely by not paying too much for something that has a much cheaper alternative in a different packaging; be nice and reasonable to get what you need; and take it as a compliment when someone thinks you look younger than you are.

Rebirth

Another poem today, because why not? Bit of a Buddhist slant on this one, but really just talking about the complexities of, well, all of us.

Rebirth

My mind is not like the earth,

There is no day and night.

All thoughts run into each other,

There is no dark and light.

My brain does not have seasons,

It’s so much more complex.

Every moment I am reborn,

Every thought is a reflex.

Same sex marriage legal in England & Wales

Okay, so this has been coming for a while since the law first came about last year, but today the first gay marriages took place in England and Wales. Score!

I'm a strong advocate for gay marriage - I think it's really important that everyone has the same rights, and any law stating that two people can't marry just because some people with no involvement at all find it a bit icky, is just ridiculous. But my opinion out of the way, isn't it important for everyone that we all have the freedom to do what we want? Because if we have freedom, we are happier than if we don't, and it's important for everyone that we're all happy.

Why? Because if everything is interconnected and we're all empty and our ways and experiences are influenced by everything around us, then it stands to reason that if other people are happier, we will also be happier. And if other people's freedom and rights make them happier, it'll have an impact on everyone. And that's why we should all advocate for each other's happiness, freedom and peace.

Do nothing

When you're doing nothing, don't think about all the things you will need to do later. Just do nothing.

Emptiness

Yesterday we talked about interconnectedness in Buddhism, and how everything is dependant on other things - not one object or person can exist on its own. Which leads us nicely onto the Buddhist concept of emptiness.

Emptiness is based on this idea of interconnectedness - if nothing can exist without relying on other things, e.g. a good meal can't exist without crockery, shops, their workers, vegetable farmers, cutlery, the person who made it, and so on - then that means that people and objects are "empty". I know the expression empty doesn't sound particularly joyful, but it really is.

It doesn't mean that there's just nothing there at all. Take a chair as an example, and picture this in your mind - it wouldn't be a chair without its wooden legs. It also wouldn't be a chair (or at least, not a really nice, comfortable one) without its cushion. Take away the wood, the fabric, the cushion stuffing, and what's left? Where is the chair now? It doesn't exist on its own.

Emptiness also means that things, quite simply, *are*, and anything we feel towards them is something we have projected onto them ourselves. For example, a teddy is just a teddy, until we think about where we got it from - who gave it to us, under what circumstances, how long we've had it for, and so on. This creates feelings we have for the teddy. Take those away, and it's just a stuffed bear. Emptiness is the absence of attachment, the acceptance of impermanence, and therefore, a very good thing to recognise.