How strange is human society?

Another blog about a thought I had in the spa at the gym this morning, and I'm once again struggling to remember exactly how I worded it because I couldn't write it down at the time. But here we go: isn't it weird the way society is? I mean, you don't see animals doing the stuff humans do. And worrying. Why on earth do we worry so much or stop ourselves from doing things because of the so-called rules that society dictates?

Like holding back a burp or a fart, or shaving our legs, or deciding to not wear a certain item of clothing because the other humans will think it doesn't look good on us. Who cares? Talk to me about something that matters. Let's worry about world peace, putting an end to homophobia, whether or not we're able to pay the bills or feed our families or explore more corners of our beautiful world. Why be concerned about getting a close shave under your armpits when you can be spending time planning your next trip? Why bother about what your body looks like at a club when you could be swept away by music instead?

It's not easy, I know. The other day I got upset because my belly was looking a bit bigger than usual, and I stepped on the scales and found I'd put on about three pounds. So I went about having my shower and then sat on my bed in my towel and racked my brain trying to figure out why it upset me and why on earth it should matter so much. It's not like I'm overweight, or that there aren't parts of my body I like, so why should my belly sticking out a bit matter at all? I couldn't come up with an answer, but it certainly did feel like it mattered. It still does. (I like wearing tight dresses because I think my booty looks awesome in them, but of course they're tight at the front too, so they don't look so good. It's partly because I had my bowel removed so the bottom part of my belly is completely flat and the bit above it then sticks out even more, but there's only so much I can blame on cancer - my belly looking big is mostly just me eating too much crap.)

I digress. My main point is, why is it weird or bad to do things that are completely normal and natural for mammals/human beings to do? I burp, I poop loudly (can't help that!), I fart (only in the toilet), sometimes I don't bother shaving my legs or armpits (more warmth in winter, right...?), I wear clothes that highlight my bad bits as well as my good bits, I wear baggy clothes that do nothing for me because they're comfortable or have my favourite bands on them, I care very little about what other people think about what I look like or what I do. There isn't enough time or energy in life to conform to every "rule" dictated by society, and it sometimes baffles me how normal it is for people to not do something they want to do or to do something they don't want to do just for the sake of conforming or not looking bad. Let me look bad. I'll still be happy, because I'll be doing what I want, and being how I want to be. Next time you're wondering what people think or what's "right" within society for you to do, ask yourself why you're worrying and say does it even matter?

Getting customers excited

As a customer, I love buying stuff from people who are excited about what they're selling or the service they're providing - especially if I've had a lot of input about what it is that I want. For example when I first went to the hairdresser's to get my hair dyed, my hairdresser was so excited about the colour I was getting. I know, because she said so, and she practically clapped her hands with joy when it was finally all finished and had turned out really well.

I had a similar experience the other day when I contacted a girl I've been to before who does my nails, to tell her about an idea I'd had that I'd like her to do for me. I haven't been in for an appointment yet (we spoke about it just last night) but I'm even more excited because the nail technician loves the idea and really wants to create it for me. Also today I've had some similar interactions at a store and at a restaurant discussing the products and food with the staff - it's so nice to share happiness and excitement this way!

Do we need faith to be happy?

I don't know if we need religion or spirituality to be happy. I would say no, religion - the whole going to church, prayer, and any other rituals or rules don't make for happiness. If your religion is important to you, then yes, taking part in those things will probably bring you some joy or comfort.

Studies have shown that religious people are in fact happier. Maybe that's because of the morals and teachings of religion - how they encourage being helpful, tolerant, creating a more connected community, and so on. And as we've said in a previous blog post, being kind and compassionate with other people is a way to be happier yourself, so that makes sense. But I'm definitely not saying that people who aren't religious don't have those morals - I don't believe that for a second. So, who knows how strong the correlation is. Studies can show whatever they fancy but that has little impact on an individual and their situation.

But I think the more important thing is spirituality - knowing your purpose, what your path in life is, what you want and how to get there. I would say we do need faith in something in order to be happy, even if it's simply faith in ourselves.

Why do we like being scared?

I watched The Woman In Black this weekend. When I say this weekend, I mean this morning, in broad daylight, from behind a cushion. I don't generally like scary movies, at least not the paranormal ones (Saw-style blood and guts I can just about deal with, but ghosts and haunted houses? No thank you!). But this movie was actually really good, had an interesting story and I'd recommend it.

And while I was watching it, I thought about how people actually enjoy being scared - I mean, the movie did creep me out, but I kind of liked that feeling. Weird, right? It just seems a little counter-intuitive to make ourselves feel scared - which is generally thought of as a negative emotion - on purpose.

So I've done a bit of digging online, and essentially, it seems to come down to the fact that we know movies aren't real and they can't actually hurt us, but they still give us that adrenaline rush that comes with the psychological "fight or flight" reaction. If something makes us jump, it gives us that feeling, and we enjoy it - maybe we even laugh at ourselves for being scared. So in a way, when we're scared by things that aren't real, like movies, books and video games, we're experiencing positive and negative feelings at the same time - it's a negative emotion we're feeling, but we like it. I guess in that way it's like watching a sad movie - it upsets us, but at the time that's what we want it to do.

Also, a lot of people probably aren't half as easy to scare as I am!

Everyone looks out for themselves

I've just been browsing a few sites and came across this, over at positivelypositive.com:

"Anything that anyone does to you, is NOT about you, it is about the other person/people and where THEY are."

Right? If someone says something offensive to you, it's because of them and how they feel, not who you are. Plus, if someone does something to help you, sure it's partly because they like you and want you to be happy, but it's also partly for them.

I remember my A Level psychology teacher telling the class that there is no true altruism and that by the time we had finished his course he'd make us all as cynical as him. Well, I think he managed that because I don't think there is true altruism. I mean, yes, people do things for each other because they want that person to be happy. But is it really completely selfless? I mean, look at that sentence - people do things for each other because they want that person to be happy. They care about that person, so they do something caring for them, but even if they think they are being selfless, they aren't. Because if that person is happy, they're happier - making the person happy therefore relieves their own suffering. Plus, there are probably countless studies about how giving to charity or helping people makes people feel good. But we know that already.

My point is, there is no true altruism, at least on a subconscious level. My other point, the one that I started off with and managed to deviate from, is that once you realise that people's actions are always based at least partially on their own feelings and needs, you'll be more understanding and empathetic of them, and less offended - and therefore, happier.

Can people change?

Some people say that people never change, but I find that hard to believe. Not particularly speaking through experience, I think it's possible for people to change, and they do. But I think that one question can get mixed up with another.

For example, "People don't change" sometimes really means "People don't change into what I want them to be". Not always, but sometimes that's what people really mean.

Maybe it's not that people can't change, but that they don't. I think maybe people do have the capacity and ability to change, but they have to want to - they don't just change because they "should".

So can people change? Yes, but that doesn't mean that they will, or that you can do anything about it if they don't. But that's just one girl's opinion, as per usual!