Why you should cut your own hair

I cut my own hair last night.

I know, right?

I cut my own hair.

How utterly terrifying.

It was actually the most awesome thing I've done in a while. What happened was I was on Facebook thinking I hadn't changed my profile picture in a while, so I started looking at pictures to find a different one. And when I was looking at my old pics, I saw that in a lot of them I had this kind of side fringe-ish emo type thing going on. Basically, I didn't feel the need to see with my left eye. And I loved that look, but the hair just kind of grew out and the last time I asked for it again at the hairdresser's, they didn't really do it properly. So, looking through the pics reminded me how much I liked my hair like that.

I could have booked an appointment at the hairdresser's to get it cut, but I had a trim and my hair dip-dyed orange again just last weekend, so I didn't want to go back so soon. So I thought about how much better it would be if I could just do it myself, right away. And I went on YouTube and did a little research - about five or ten minutes' worth of research.

All the while when I was watching girls on YouTube demonstrate cutting their bangs, while fiddling with my hair and wandering between my laptop in the living room and the mirror in the bedroom, I was thinking to myself, "this is all very well and interesting, but you're obviously not going to do it. There's no way you're actually going to cut your own hair. You'll make a terrible mistake and regret it horribly. There's no way you're brave or stupid enough to do it.

But I went into the bathroom, got a pair of nail scissors and a comb, separated by fringe-to-be from the rest of my hair, and went in for the chop. My first thought was "oh my God, I've actually done it, what the fuck have I done? I can't undo that, what on earth has possessed me to do this?!" But there was no going back after that, so I carried on. And the more I did it, the more I got used to it and the more natural it felt, and the more I realised I wasn't completely messing it up.

I mean, it's not perfect, obviously, because I'm not a hairdresser and I don't make a habit of cutting hair! I did try once when I was about 12, I decided I wanted a bit at the front of my face that was shorter than the rest so it would frame my face when I put it in a ponytail. Naturally I cut it too short and felt really rubbish about it afterwards. The difference is, I'm not 12 now, and I actually tried to do it properly this time. And you know what? After the initial panic, it felt good. It felt really good. And it still does!

I didn't expect it to, but it feels very empowering to have cut my own hair; to make a change myself instead of having to wait for someone else to do it for me. I feel cool. And now I have my old hair back, I feel a bit more like myself. Not only does it feel empowering, but it feels so free to do something like that, that I never do but actually could do anytime I want. Plus, it felt good that I managed to achieve this thing without messing it up - something I found to be quite a challenge! It felt exciting to do something so crazy and then to be successful at it! And I can't wait until my mum sees, she is going to freak out! My partner, who was out of the house at the time so wasn't around to talk some sense into me, doesn't seem particularly surprised. Maybe this is becoming some kind of normal for me. The only question is, what exciting and interesting thing should I do next?

It's hard being truthful online

It's really strange being so honest on the internet, because I never know who knows what about me. I've never been so honest and open online before, but with this blog and my personal Tumblr, I just say whatever I feel like saying. My Tumblr is even more revealing than this blog, and it's a relief to be able to say whatever I want. On Tumblr, it's mostly strangers reading, because I never post any links to those posts on Facebook or anywhere else.

But with this blog, I do say a lot of stuff, and the only reason I really hold back a bit is because this is a blog that's supposed to be about happiness, and me dwelling on negative things kind of defeats the purpose unless it's to explain a point about being positive.

So when I do post on here, I normally post a link on my @how2behappyblog on Twitter, and on my own personal Facebook - not the how to be happy Facebook page because there's nobody there, but my own private Facebook page where all my friends and family are. (Though I do hide these kinds of posts from my family.) And it just makes it a bit weird because I reveal a lot about myself on the internet that you can't just drop into conversation face to face. It makes me wonder who reads these things and who knows what about me. Sometimes I'm talking to someone - either online or offline - and I'll be thinking "Do you know? Do you know all about who I am, what I've been through in the past, how I feel about some things? What do you think about it? Do you think of me differently now, and is that for better or worse? Or do you just not really think about it much at all?" And it's really weird, because... I dunno, it's just odd. I do like telling the truth online though. It makes me feel brave. It's easier than saying things out loud, though at times it's still kinda hard... but face to face if I try to say something, sometimes the words just won't come out. That's a strange experience as well isn't it? When you're so close to saying something but you just can't bring yourself to say the words. Fear. Or something.

I'm not asking anyone to tell me that they know (unless they really want to). It's just something that occurred to me. And I like people to know, because it makes me feel like people know me better. Because it's such a big part of me now, whether I like it or not.

I've just realised I've managed to write this entire blog post without saying what "it" is. But if anyone is reading and they've read the blog before, they'll probably know already.

How do you define yourself?

I have a list of words I use to define myself - sometimes consciously, sometimes more subconsciously. Here are a few that immediately spring to mind, though I'm sure there are others:

Writer
Geek
Cancer survivor
Rock chick
Buddhist

What are yours? I love most of these words because they are so very me and define what I am. They're all as important as each other and work together, and I think it's important to not dwell on any one in particular, especially one that has negative feelings attached. Because we can all define ourselves in negative ways, and when we get too wrapped up in the negative definitions, we should choose another one to focus on. That's why I've been writing a lot lately and listening to music more. To try to throw the focus off the negative.

What are your best and worst self-definitions?

How strange is human society?

Another blog about a thought I had in the spa at the gym this morning, and I'm once again struggling to remember exactly how I worded it because I couldn't write it down at the time. But here we go: isn't it weird the way society is? I mean, you don't see animals doing the stuff humans do. And worrying. Why on earth do we worry so much or stop ourselves from doing things because of the so-called rules that society dictates?

Like holding back a burp or a fart, or shaving our legs, or deciding to not wear a certain item of clothing because the other humans will think it doesn't look good on us. Who cares? Talk to me about something that matters. Let's worry about world peace, putting an end to homophobia, whether or not we're able to pay the bills or feed our families or explore more corners of our beautiful world. Why be concerned about getting a close shave under your armpits when you can be spending time planning your next trip? Why bother about what your body looks like at a club when you could be swept away by music instead?

It's not easy, I know. The other day I got upset because my belly was looking a bit bigger than usual, and I stepped on the scales and found I'd put on about three pounds. So I went about having my shower and then sat on my bed in my towel and racked my brain trying to figure out why it upset me and why on earth it should matter so much. It's not like I'm overweight, or that there aren't parts of my body I like, so why should my belly sticking out a bit matter at all? I couldn't come up with an answer, but it certainly did feel like it mattered. It still does. (I like wearing tight dresses because I think my booty looks awesome in them, but of course they're tight at the front too, so they don't look so good. It's partly because I had my bowel removed so the bottom part of my belly is completely flat and the bit above it then sticks out even more, but there's only so much I can blame on cancer - my belly looking big is mostly just me eating too much crap.)

I digress. My main point is, why is it weird or bad to do things that are completely normal and natural for mammals/human beings to do? I burp, I poop loudly (can't help that!), I fart (only in the toilet), sometimes I don't bother shaving my legs or armpits (more warmth in winter, right...?), I wear clothes that highlight my bad bits as well as my good bits, I wear baggy clothes that do nothing for me because they're comfortable or have my favourite bands on them, I care very little about what other people think about what I look like or what I do. There isn't enough time or energy in life to conform to every "rule" dictated by society, and it sometimes baffles me how normal it is for people to not do something they want to do or to do something they don't want to do just for the sake of conforming or not looking bad. Let me look bad. I'll still be happy, because I'll be doing what I want, and being how I want to be. Next time you're wondering what people think or what's "right" within society for you to do, ask yourself why you're worrying and say does it even matter?

All About That Bass

What made me happy today: This song!

It makes me feel all happy about my body and my big booty and boobs, in spite of my belly which could do with a bit of toning up! Self confidence FTW! :)

Favourite lines:
"I got that boom boom that all the boys chase, and all the right junk in all the right places"
"Every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top"
"My mamma she told me don't worry about your size, she says boys like a little more booty to hold at night"

(Also, sorry for the radio silence for about a month; work has been crazy busy these past couple of weeks so when I've gotten home I haven't felt like doing anything productive! I also went on holiday to Amsterdam for a few days, and spent a little time being too happy to have time to blog about happiness. Well, sort of. Hopefully more updates to follow soon.)

My tiny Heisenbergs

The other day I wrote a blog entry about being excited about buying stuff because the people who work at the place make it exciting (Getting customers excited). I mentioned that I was excited about getting my nails done, so here's the finished product!

Aren't they awesome? They were done by Tina at All Things Nails in Wellingborough, and she probably took a much better photo than I have, so there might be one appearing on the All Things Nails Facebook page. Love my Breaking Bad nails!

Getting customers excited

As a customer, I love buying stuff from people who are excited about what they're selling or the service they're providing - especially if I've had a lot of input about what it is that I want. For example when I first went to the hairdresser's to get my hair dyed, my hairdresser was so excited about the colour I was getting. I know, because she said so, and she practically clapped her hands with joy when it was finally all finished and had turned out really well.

I had a similar experience the other day when I contacted a girl I've been to before who does my nails, to tell her about an idea I'd had that I'd like her to do for me. I haven't been in for an appointment yet (we spoke about it just last night) but I'm even more excited because the nail technician loves the idea and really wants to create it for me. Also today I've had some similar interactions at a store and at a restaurant discussing the products and food with the staff - it's so nice to share happiness and excitement this way!