The positive physical effects of being pro-active

I've had an achy back and neck for a little while so today I went for a massage. I was thinking on the drive over that my back was feeling better today (apparently it was still full of knots though!), and isn't that so often the way? Like when you go to the doctors for something you've had for a little while, and on the day you go sometimes you feel better, and almost wonder if you should still be bothering to go.

I wonder if it's the thought of doing something to help the discomfort, that makes you feel better physically? We know the mind can have an effect on the body (hence needing a massage in the first place for stress-related back pain), so maybe it can also have a positive effect - when you decide you're going to do something to make yourself feel better, you start to feel better already. Just a theory I find interesting - have you had any similar experiences?

What was it again...?

I thought of a blog post to write while I was at the gym. Unfortunately, I've now forgotten it. But I do remember thinking afterwards that there was another reason I liked to go to the gym, that I had forgotten about - for the inspiration! I'd forgotten how much good it does just being in a different place and having time to just ponder things and do not very much at all. Hopefully later I'll actually remember whatever it was I was going to write...

You can't make everyone happy

You can't make everyone happy. There is only one person that you can guarantee you have the power to make happy - and that's you. So stop trying to please other people and steer that effort towards yourself. You will thank you later!

What made me happy today

I got a text message today from the gym I used to go to, saying I can rejoin and get next month half price. So I did it. And the thought of going back there, having a "happy place" to go to to get away from everything, and a way to get some exercise and get rid of my little bit of flab has made me so excited, and I didn't even realise it would! I suppose the lesson for today is to do something you're thinking about doing because it might make you even happier than you expect it to. Yay!

Happy birthday Shakespeare!

It's Shakespeare's 450th birthday today, or rather, it would be. So, what can we learn from Shakespeare about happiness? Well, he wrote more comedies than tragedies, and he had a lot to say about happiness - there are some quotes below - I'm not entirely sure what the first one means, so make of that one what you will:

"It is no mean happiness therefore to be seated in the mean."
- The Merchant of Venice

"Oh! how bitter a thing it is to look into happiness through another man's eyes."
- As You Like It

"When sorrows come, they come not single spies but in battalions."
- Hamlet

Happiness round-up

A bit of a collection today, here are some interesting and I think worthwhile articles about attaining happiness.

First from Forbes, why unrealistic expectations about our happiness can make us more unhappy, and how we can be more realistic in our happiness goals.

And here's a guy who was named the happiest man in America in 2010. He takes his title pretty seriously, and according to him, the secret is a good attitude.

And finally, an awesome infographic from the people over at Happify all about our favourite subject. Enjoy!

Happy Easter!

I have never seen anyone as excited about food as my partner was today about the roast dinner we had. Happy Easter and happy eating, everyone!

Choose your point of view

Isn't it interesting how you can look at something in two completely different ways? I'm specifically thinking about the simple fact that everything is finite, nothing lasts forever and eventually, we'll all die.

You can take that as "we're not here for very long, so there's no point to anything - why bother?"

Or you can take it as "we don't have much time, so we'd better make the most of it and do as much awesome stuff as we can."

Pick a side, and make it a good one.

Do we need faith to be happy?

I don't know if we need religion or spirituality to be happy. I would say no, religion - the whole going to church, prayer, and any other rituals or rules don't make for happiness. If your religion is important to you, then yes, taking part in those things will probably bring you some joy or comfort.

Studies have shown that religious people are in fact happier. Maybe that's because of the morals and teachings of religion - how they encourage being helpful, tolerant, creating a more connected community, and so on. And as we've said in a previous blog post, being kind and compassionate with other people is a way to be happier yourself, so that makes sense. But I'm definitely not saying that people who aren't religious don't have those morals - I don't believe that for a second. So, who knows how strong the correlation is. Studies can show whatever they fancy but that has little impact on an individual and their situation.

But I think the more important thing is spirituality - knowing your purpose, what your path in life is, what you want and how to get there. I would say we do need faith in something in order to be happy, even if it's simply faith in ourselves.

A full calendar

Isn't it funny how there's always something to look forward to? Easter chocolate is in the shops from New Year's Day, after easter everything's geared towards summer, then as soon as summer's over it's all about Christmas. I could just say well that's commercialism for you, but why not just say there's always something to look forward to instead?

Getting out of routine

Isn't it funny how we get into the routine of doing things we don't really want to do? Like driving a certain route to work in the rush hour, or work itself, or eating the same food you're bored of, or doing the same thing (or nothing at all) every evening. We get into the habit of doing things we're not really happy with, and just accepting it. How about not accepting it? How about shaking things up a bit, trying a different route, buying a different sandwich, trying somewhere new for dinner? How about a bit of change, a bit of interest, a bit more happiness?

Tuesday Treats

Tuesdays do nothing for me. It's always seemed to me that every other day of the week has something going for it - Monday is the first day of the week, so it's generally sucky (at least the thought of it is - the day itself isn't really all that bad...right?). Wednesday (aka hump day) is halfway there, Thursday is nearly there plus I go out with friends and family every Thursday evening. Friday is the last day of the week so it's awesome and I can stay up later. Saturday and Sunday mean having a lie in, so what's not to like there? Tuesday doesn't really have anything like that to define it with. So I'm starting Tuesday Treats.

And for my first Tuesday treat, I have something I've loved forever, and something I've started to love recently - Easter eggs and orange truffle Baileys.

I love Easter eggs. I have recurring dreams about them. I usually dream that I'm in a shop (last time it was Claire's Accessories, which makes no sense, but then dreams never do) and it was after Easter, maybe a few days after. The shop sold loads of Easter eggs and they were all reduced since it was after the event. It's always awesome. Then I wake up and it's October or something and I'm pretty disappointed.

But aside from that, there is nothing I love more in a supermarket than when they have shelves full of Easter eggs all perfectly lined up side by side. I would insert an image here to demonstrate but I can't see one on the net that suitably shows the magnificence of rows and rows and rows of perfectly aligned boxes of chocolatey amazingness. So here's a picture of my #tuesdaytreats. Can't wait to enjoy them!

Look up at the sky

Today is Look Up At The Sky Day. I don't know why, but it us. You know, how every day is a special (sort of) day, like *insert disease here* awareness day, national poetry day, etc? Tomorrow is something to do with not wearing any shoes, which is definitely something I'd be up for!

I did look up at the sky today, mostly because it was a really nice sunny day, and when I stepped outside my front door in the evening the sun was setting, the sky was bright pink and it looked amazing. Unfortunately I didn't manage to get a picture of it, but it was definitely something to be in the moment and appreciate.

National Pet Month

Apparently April is National Pet Month in the UK (it's in May in the USA). National Pet Month aims to promote responsible pet ownership as well as support for pet charities across the UK, so let's take a look at how having pets can make us happier.

Studies have shown that people with pets are happier, as well as healthier, both mentally and physically. Here are some links below for you to check out and decide for yourself the validity of these suggestions, but I'm sure all pet owners would agree that life would certainly be more dull without their furry friends!

The Therapeutic and Health Benefits of Pets

Living with a dog might reduce anxiety, increase happiness

Cats can make owners happier, healthier and gentler

Not a Buddha quote

Apparently this quote is not actually a quote from Buddha even though it is attributed to him. But I like it anyway because it promotes gratefulness and positivity:

"Let us rise up and be thankful,
for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little,
and if we didn't learn a little at least we didn't get sick,
and if we got sick at least we didn't die,
so let us all be thankful."

Being realistic about happiness

Even the happiest people aren't happy all the time.

It's normal to be down about things from time to time (it would be weird not to be!); the trick is to not hold onto things, and not get attached to negative emotions. That way, you can be happy again as soon as possible!

How easy is it to let go, really?

I think the hardest part is the realisation that you need to let go.

I didn't post a blog yesterday! It's the first day I've missed since I started blogging here in February. I was actually too distracted by relaxing to remember to write something. So if anyone is reading who is used to me posting something every day, my apologies!

But back to my original subject - I made a realisation today. I want to let go. I don't want to be the girl who can't forget. I don't want anything to take over my life while I'm trying to get on with it. I don't even want to be an advocate for cancer-related subjects - bowel cancer, counselling, talking about what life is like when you're trying to get over it. I just want to do the latter for myself.

So I need to do a bit of a cleanse, for starters. I'd already decided to unfollow anyone on Facebook who regularly posts pointless pictures about cancer - by pointless I mean not the charity ones asking for donations, but the "share this if you thin cancer sucks" type things. Obviously we all do. I can't be doing with the reminders anymore, it's going to drive me fucking crazy. So there's that. No reminders on Facebook, no trying to do any kind of fundraising events (tried that twice, my brain didn't appreciate it. I'm not against trying to make money for charity, obviously.) Enough.

And then what? It's all very well saying you want to get over something and forget about it, but how do you actually go about it? Try to cram life full of other stuff? Change negative thoughts into positive thoughts? Be mindful? Probably all of the above and more besides. It ain't easy stuff, but what is?

Striking a balance

Ever notice how many things we have to strike a balance between? Work and play, body confidence vs. vanity, being vigilant vs. being obsessive, eating healthily vs. treating ourselves. Take a few minutes every week to consider how well balanced your time and efforts are, and think about what you could change in order to improve that balance and your overall happiness.

Why do we like being scared?

I watched The Woman In Black this weekend. When I say this weekend, I mean this morning, in broad daylight, from behind a cushion. I don't generally like scary movies, at least not the paranormal ones (Saw-style blood and guts I can just about deal with, but ghosts and haunted houses? No thank you!). But this movie was actually really good, had an interesting story and I'd recommend it.

And while I was watching it, I thought about how people actually enjoy being scared - I mean, the movie did creep me out, but I kind of liked that feeling. Weird, right? It just seems a little counter-intuitive to make ourselves feel scared - which is generally thought of as a negative emotion - on purpose.

So I've done a bit of digging online, and essentially, it seems to come down to the fact that we know movies aren't real and they can't actually hurt us, but they still give us that adrenaline rush that comes with the psychological "fight or flight" reaction. If something makes us jump, it gives us that feeling, and we enjoy it - maybe we even laugh at ourselves for being scared. So in a way, when we're scared by things that aren't real, like movies, books and video games, we're experiencing positive and negative feelings at the same time - it's a negative emotion we're feeling, but we like it. I guess in that way it's like watching a sad movie - it upsets us, but at the time that's what we want it to do.

Also, a lot of people probably aren't half as easy to scare as I am!

Everyone looks out for themselves

I've just been browsing a few sites and came across this, over at positivelypositive.com:

"Anything that anyone does to you, is NOT about you, it is about the other person/people and where THEY are."

Right? If someone says something offensive to you, it's because of them and how they feel, not who you are. Plus, if someone does something to help you, sure it's partly because they like you and want you to be happy, but it's also partly for them.

I remember my A Level psychology teacher telling the class that there is no true altruism and that by the time we had finished his course he'd make us all as cynical as him. Well, I think he managed that because I don't think there is true altruism. I mean, yes, people do things for each other because they want that person to be happy. But is it really completely selfless? I mean, look at that sentence - people do things for each other because they want that person to be happy. They care about that person, so they do something caring for them, but even if they think they are being selfless, they aren't. Because if that person is happy, they're happier - making the person happy therefore relieves their own suffering. Plus, there are probably countless studies about how giving to charity or helping people makes people feel good. But we know that already.

My point is, there is no true altruism, at least on a subconscious level. My other point, the one that I started off with and managed to deviate from, is that once you realise that people's actions are always based at least partially on their own feelings and needs, you'll be more understanding and empathetic of them, and less offended - and therefore, happier.

Can people change?

Some people say that people never change, but I find that hard to believe. Not particularly speaking through experience, I think it's possible for people to change, and they do. But I think that one question can get mixed up with another.

For example, "People don't change" sometimes really means "People don't change into what I want them to be". Not always, but sometimes that's what people really mean.

Maybe it's not that people can't change, but that they don't. I think maybe people do have the capacity and ability to change, but they have to want to - they don't just change because they "should".

So can people change? Yes, but that doesn't mean that they will, or that you can do anything about it if they don't. But that's just one girl's opinion, as per usual!

A blog about a blog

Something new and interesting today, I have written a guest blog over at Cancer.net! It's about giving yourself a break - specifically after cancer, but I think you can apply the message to lots of situations, the general idea being that you should give yourself time to heal emotionally and physically from any trauma, and don't be hard on yourself if it takes longer than you initially thought. You can read my full blog post over at the Cancer.net blog. Hope you find it interesting and/or useful!

Why do we hate change so much?

Today I'm pondering why so many of us are so resistant to change. And I think it all goes back to that word again - attachment. If you haven't read my previous blog on this, here's a quick explanation of what attachment is.

We dislike change because we're attached to whatever it is we already have, and the way our lives currently are. If we were to rid ourselves of attachment, and to recognise that everything is impermanent, maybe we'd all be more accepting of change. We'd feel less disrupted when things did change, and more open to things being different.

This doesn't mean that we should always expect the worst or be negative. It just means that we should be able to say "I'm happy/unhappy with the way things are now, but I accept that they won't be this way forever."

That's my interpretation on why we don't like change, anyway - with a Buddhist slant. And remember what Turk from Scrubs once said - "Different doesn't always mean bad - it just means different."

A Quick Reminder

Here's a quick checklist of things to remind yourself of when you're feeling anxious or unhappy:

1. Everything is impermanent, including suffering. It never lasts forever.
2. Thoughts aren't facts. They're just thoughts. Pfft, you don't know everything.
3. It's okay to tell your brain to shut up and/or just veg in front of the TV for a while instead.